Like his Mother, he's a grump dog in the morning
That's already an all time daily high and the clock didn't even reset until 4pm...and I felt so happy...and so proud...and so glowy.... and even a tinge less grumpy...and then as I sifted through the little happy bits of gold- I realized I felt something else too... Something suddenly bigger and stronger than those feelings of gratitude and surprise...
I felt scared...
I feel like the Giving Tree and all I have to give you is this stump...
But maybe you could use a place to sit --I tell myself...
And so I offer you my stump...
I've always been competitive and try so hard to succeed... but when I start to feel like I am making accomplishments- I suddenly remember... Succeeding is so much pressure because then people expect things from you.
I think I'd prefer to just stay mediocre.. When I was in pharmaceutical sales I used to joke that I preferred to be in the middle of the sales numbers... I don't want to be on the bottom because then you have people riding you-- and you feel like a complete failure... and I don't want to be on top because then people expect so much of you...And what will it feel like at that moment that they realize I'm not really that great and I let them down?
But the middle? It's perfect here. The water is just right...No one expects too much --so you can't let them down.
When you are mediocre people don't find it odd if you are still in your pajamas at 10:30am some mornings... People don't think it's abnormal that 2 hours after your babies woke up you had remembered to put Crest Whitestrips in-- but had forgotten to change their diapers... People aren't phased that you let your stir-crazy, mostly better --but still slightly sick son outside with no shoes on... in January...
We heard the Trash truck on our street and there just wasn't time for shoes...
Pure sugar coated joy. With sprinkles...Trash man- You rock our World...
Grey was so disappointed when I told him it was time to go back inside...
TAKE ME WITH YOU!!!!!
When you are mediocre people don't judge you when you are on Facebook and don't notice your son smooshing GAK Putty into the carpet...
When you are a Mediocre stay at home Mom you can be a terrible cook and not the slightest bit crafty at all... When you are mediocre, it's no shock that it took you a rice maker and 39 years to make rice for the first time ever that wasn't crunchy or mushy...Dear Rice maker- you do as your name says...Well Done...
Man, I tried to get the GAK out of the carpet for 30 minutes straight with no success... Water didn't work...a towel didn't work...I couldn't pick it out or use cleaning solution to get it out...
The only thing that finally worked- was using GAK to get the GAK out...Dabbing a ball of Gak seemed to pick up the putty from the carpet...
Which makes sense because Like attracts Like... which made me smile... because maybe you are OK with the mediocre me...because you are mediocre too... which can also just be another term for not perfect...and really- is anyone?
I guess I just don't want to disappoint you.
So I'm sure things will get quiet around here in a day or two... and the thousands of visitors will trickle back down to a smaller number of people that truly find that it feels like home here... (The day ended at 2741visitors by the way...nuts...)
And all I need to do is continue to be myself and do what I already am doing.
But I can't help but wonder...
What if I wasn't afraid of success?...scratch that- that's not realistic... What if we were afraid of success BUT DID IT ANYWAY? What if we weren't afraid of being GREAT? Those thoughts are almost too much for me to bear...which really makes me realize that I'm supposed to be having them... It's strength training in my mind...and the too much to bear part is just my sore brain muscle because it's not used to thinking that way...
What if 2013 was actually the year of over the top GREAT?
I will certainly teach my boys to fear intentional medicracy vs wholehearted passion and greatness...Not to shoot for perfect- but to do their very own best...
And that's when I remember...None of this is about me anyway... It's about him and him...
We went to Woodward Park today to play and feed the ducks... If you were within a 10 mile radius you probably heard me yelling at Parker and Greyson pretty much the entire time...
GET OUT OF THE WATER! COME HERE!!! DO NOT GO IN THE STREET!!! STOP!!! GET OFF THE ROCK!!! I'm pretty certain that despite our offerings of bread- the ducks would prefer we do not come back to visit...
Oh Friend.... Greyson is no stump...He's the whole Forest...
That's exactly what this is about... I'm on a mission to Change the World...I CAN'T be afraid to reach more people... It's my fricking job....
I don't want this area of my Life to be Mediocre... I must tell you... Most nights I go to bed feeling like I am NOT doing enough to pave the World for Greyson... I need more people to know more about Autism... But tonight... For once... I don't feel that way at all...I felt like enough...
I am so thrilled to invite you over to a new little home on Facebook for Life with Greyson + Parker...
Please- Help me reach more people and Like this page... Share it and ask your friends to Like it too... Like the darn page already- you don't want to give it low self-esteem....
Oh Friend, if you promise to love the mediocre me, I promise to let you sit on my stump...
Much Love,
Chrissy
Fantastic!
ReplyDeleteAll I have to say is this, if you are mediocre, I'm the bottom. Sigh! Going over to like your Facebook page now!
ReplyDeleteChrissy, I am one of the newbies here but you are far from mediocre! And I read a LOT of blogs! :-) Anyway, I am thrilled to have found you and will be a constant visitor from now on. No pressure, you just keep doing what you do...it is fantastic. Jenn
ReplyDeleteChrissy,
ReplyDeleteYour "mediocre" is going to blow "Perfect" out of the water. Keep on keepin on, and know that yes, you *are* changing the world.
xoxoxo Happy 2013!!! ~Nancy
Hardly mediocre more like amazing and critical- lol no worries I am the same ;O Love your blog and so glad I found you and your boys :))
ReplyDeleteOh girl.....mediocre you is so incredible! You make me laugh, you make me cry, you make me want to do more, you make me feel like I am a-ok! :)
ReplyDeleteNothing about you is mediocre Ms. Chrissy! Excellent writing as always!
ReplyDeleteI think exceptional would be a much more accurate description of you and your blog. From your words to your pictures to your devotion to your boys to your grumpiness to your relentlessness to your honesty - there is no room for mediocrity in any of it. Nor is there any that peeks through ever - at least not outwardly. Just keep doing what you do and being who you are and I am pretty sure the world will be a better place for it.
ReplyDeleteI JUST posted this quote on my FB page, and then read your post...serendipity?
ReplyDelete“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
-Marianne Williamson
If the word "God" makes you twitchy, you can substitute "Love" (same thing in my opinion)...always good to find people who are trying to follow their hearts bravely. Rock on, Mama. And for the record, I totally get the trash truck thing.