One year ago... One year ago today Greyson was diagnosed with Autism... And in that year, I've come to realize that my second son Parker... also has Autism. (Insert your own preferred curse word here). What an outrageous, remarkable, painful, eye opening- and most of all beautiful year. Thank you God for the past year...For the love hidden in pain and the blessings hidden in sadness. Thank you for teaching me to find and feel the good that was present all along. I didn't always notice it before. Two years ago... Before I knew a thing- if you would have told me this is how my story would go, I can't say that I would imagine I would even want to go on living with that kind of year... But I can honestly say amidst the raw and sad- I have also never felt so alive. So purposeful. And I've realized it's not the circumstances that kill us- it is the sad... And my heart aches for the people who are walking around dead from the sad. ..waking up every day and going through motions and calling it Life... If you survive the circumstances...don't let the sad get you. There will be many times in my life in which I will feel sad... There are times I amsad. But I have recovered from the sharpest blow...and I'm certainly not wasting my entire life on sad because of stupid Autism... The best gift you can give your child whether Autistic or Typical- is a happy you. A bright and shiny happy you... No- not Stepfordy perfect happy...not happy in quotations... Authentically happy.
I love my boys with all my heart. They are the greatest Love story I will ever write...The sharpest Love I will ever feel... They taught me that I don't have to be perfect to be loved just the way I am... Unconditional love means just that- without conditions...in the absence of perfection. They teach me how to love. They taught me that the most strikingly beautiful things in life- always have an absence of perfection. I wrote this post on the day Greyson was diagnosed with Autism...I've probably read this post 100 times since I've written it...at first making myself read it until it no longer made me cry-like therapy...until that horrible thick heaviness on my chest stopped being so heavy- and I could take a deep breath in and read it without crying...but today I read it again...I went back in time and I felt... I was scared but I wanted to feel it all... I closed my eyes... Imagined the room we were in and the details... The papers, the questions, the day, the Doctor, the tests... I remembered exactly what I had on- and realized that I never wear the shirt I wore that day because even seeing it hanging in my closet makes me sad... I'm so grateful for the separation of days in between then and now...and for the strength...and the perspective...And I'm so incredibly grateful for the generosity of you. I've learned so much in the past year...possibly more than I've ever learned in my Life.... There's always going to be hate and ignorance and Cancer and materialism and terrible people in the World Don't focus on that. Stop talking about that... There's always going to be Love and belly-hurting laughter, sharing, support, kindness and goodness and hearts that stretch a million times over. Focus on that. Talk about that... There's so much beauty in the world sometimes I don't know how I can stand it. I don't just mean nature....I mean people too. I mean you. It's powerful. It makes me want to cry. When I found out Greyson had Autism, I knew I wanted to change the World...and with your help- I think just maybe I am... We are... Not just for my boys...but for everyone that ever feels- not perfect... I'm serious- the entire World...this is a snapshot of pageviews by top ten countries over the past year... Can you believe it? Thank you for helping me share this blog and our story with the World...Your generousity is humbling. I am lucky. Today I realized I had an a abundance of riches right in front of me. I saw so many reminders of Life... Life is innocent and pure...
Life is dangling your toes in the water...Life is diving right in... Life is the unbearable ice cold water. Life is the warm smooth concrete. Life is colorful and sweet... Life is cold and hard... Life is lonely and quiet...and loving and loud... Life is so much pain...Life is so much beauty. Opposite. Extreme. Balance. Complete.
Tell me you feel it too?
Life is busy and hard and good for every single one of us. It never stops spinning... And so many people are so caught up in the busy and so caught up in the hard that they forget to see all the amazing beauty that's been there all along. Abundant, joyful, bountiful Life... One year ago today- I cried from sad... And now, one year later, I've cried a few times today from happy... I'm going to celebrate the past year of imperfect and beautiful Life. The past year of sharing our story... I think you should come too. You are invited. If anyone is interested in joining me for a Girl's Happy Hour on March 23rd @ 5:30pm here in Fresno- I'll have details on our Life with Greyson Facebook page in the next day or so. I promise not to think it's weird that you come even if you've never met me- if you promise not to think it's weird that I'm asking... Thank you for helping to share our story...Thank you for Loving my boys... I feel it...and I know they can too... Much Love, Chrissy