Tuesday, March 26, 2013

in search of inspiration

I like to say, Life is good and Life is hard. And it can either be both or neither. 

It's my motto for 2013. And when I'm smack dab in the middle of a hard part- and I'm complaining to the inside of my head, saying- This hurts- this is so hard- I don't want to do this- why is this happening? I say---Shhhh- it's OK...Life is good too. Just not right this second...It's really good...You wouldn't know good if you didn't also experience hard.

Where do you find inspiration? 

I think many of us look for it within...and when we don't find it- we think we are broken and empty. Over the past year- at least for me- I have learned that inspiration is actually on the outside- and it is up to me to bring it in....And that certainly doesn't make me broken- it makes me an Inspiration Seeker. I pretty much need it to survive. I read these musing from Donald Miller- one of the smartest guys on Earth who wrote one of my favorite books on Earth and I said- Ahhhh Ha!!!! I feel the same way...Thank you for putting it into words for me...

We are Inspiration vessels. Waiting like baby birds to soak up stories and words and bible verses and quotes and Life...every day real Life. We all need to be inspired...And it's not just the story, but the combination of the story and something inside of us. We feel that connection in a story we can see ourselves in- or maybe a story we could never imagine. Inspiration is everywhere- scattered throughout Life for every one of us- waiting to be discovered... 

I get so much inspiration from Greyson. He helps to beat the OCD out of me- it will never go away- but at least it is tinier. Greyson helps me to remember what is important. He has helped me redefine failure. Failure is simply not trying.  He's helped me realize that perfect can also mean flawed at the same....and now I use Perfect with an implied for me afterwards. Perfect (for me). 

Greyson helps me see that we can say so much without any words. He has helped me get better at uncomfortable conversations. He's helped me realize that sometimes deep breaths or a bath or a good night's sleep or chocolate or a good cry can fix almost anything. He's helped me see beauty in the unexpected. 

Beauty beauty beauty. Beauty is all around. Before- in my past life- when I was so much less busy than I am now- I still somehow didn't have time to see the beauty. And now that my heart has stretched so far on the side of pain- it has also stretched so far on the side of beauty that sometimes I can't believe I was chosen to be this lucky.

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Right before bed moments with Parker is a Prayer...his baby soap smell and soft cool cheeks...His baby fine hair tickles my nose. I breath him in and for that instant- everything in the World is right.

I certainly don't have it all figured out. I never will. But sometimes when it is late at night and you and I are chatting- it just all makes sense. We are so hard on ourselves. I believe striving for perfection is the death sentence to Happy...I still do it sometimes- but I work at not doing it daily. It's one of the ways I exercise my brain. Your brain needs exercise too. 

Today I decided to bring Greyson with me on a later afternoon Doctors appointment. Nothing sounded worse at the time -but how is he supposed to learn how to act appropriately in public if I don't give him opportunities to try? So, armed with some heavy Starbucks caffeine- we made our way to Sierra Pacific Orthopedic...

We took the 3 flights of stairs so I could tire him out...

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Three flights of  stairs---Four different times...until I realized he was actually tiring me out... 

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You're so sneaky, Grey.

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So then we moved our little game to the elevator...His choice...

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He did so good. He kept himself entertained while I spent time with the Doctor...

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And we both left happy... Score...

He did so good on the way home I even stopped by the grocery store...Now that I am a stay at home Mom I have my degree in Grocery Shopping...Honor roll...

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Regular old every day Life is always my favorite.

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Every time you berate yourself for making a mistake you are essentially berating yourself for not being perfect. Every time you get mad that you are not perfect- you teach others-including your children- that perfection is good and everything else is bad. We must learn to see mistakes as nothing more than attempts made. We always have a try again in our pocket- ready for a chance.

I remember last year during Greyson's 3:30-5:30 ABA session. That was a tough session- for Greyson and his Teacher. His brain was usually fried. Greyson was working on his colors. He already learned a handful of colors- including red. He was working on purple- but couldn't move past that because he kept confusing purple and blue. I heard his Teacher upstairs... 

Greyson- Point to red. Great job! 
Greyson- Point to red... You are AWESOME!!! 
Greyson- which one is red? FANTASTIC!!!

Over and over again... 

I went into the room to see what in the heck was going on... His Teacher only had the red card out on the table...I was so confused...he totally knew red...He rocked red...All the colors he had learned-including purple were supposed to be on the table so he could randomly select the color he was asked to identify... 

The school psych was visiting our home the next day so I waited to ask her about it. It turns out there is a theory sometimes used in ABA- Grey's special therapy...If a child repeatedly selects the incorrect answer and is getting frustrated- ask the child questions they can easily answer in order to build confidence. Often after a few confidence building attempts- regular therapy can be resumed. 

Fricking brilliant... We all need that... A Friend or a Life episode to teach us confidence when we feel like we are just screwing up over and over...We need someone to point out things that we do know- things we haven't screwed up  to help us feel like we aren't one big giant screw up... I want to help show you how great you already are...

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Have a great day. You can do this.

And you can also LIKE Life with Greyson on Facebook.

Big Fat Hugs,


1 comment:

  1. Good thoughts to remember. As a stay at home mom, you aren't going to find the assurance and appreciation for your efforts unless you really look for it. Nobody gives you a pat on the back, or tells you how great youre doing when you are really giving your all! It's the true love for your children and seeing them in everyday moments that is the payoff.