Last night I woke up in the middle of the night with the full on flu... What in the hell is the flu doing around in practically June? It's so not right. Thankfully I think it's only a 24 hour deal.
Sometimes it scares me how much I am needed...I remember a moment with a brand new baby Parker- nursing him every hour. Greyson still had the same needs and demands... Add to that a husband and a house and a sweaty, leaky, squishy-stomached Mom. Nothing fit right- including my new life and I was overwhelmed and exhausted. I longed for a time I wasn't so incredibly needed...
Today I stayed in bed for much of the morning and afternoon- Feeling drunk and dizzy and with an unbearable caffeine withdrawal headache. I couldn't take Greyson to preschool...I couldn't work with Parker during his morning therapy...or take him to speech.... I couldn't make lunch or dinner or do any of the things I usually do. My house is messy. We are out of hot dogs. And despite all of these travesties- today the World still rotated around and around. (Thanks for the help today Michael and Victoria!!!)
YOU ARE HERE Friend...And so am I... That thought gives me comfort.
And this evening I am left with the overall realization that it's good to be needed. I actually need to be needed. In fact, it is hard to not be needed- so I snuck out a few times to check in today. Every noise had me peaking my head out of my bedroom door. What's going on out there? Is everything OK?
And I would sneak down for a few cuddles before going back up to my room. Naked TV watching is alright when it's right before naked bath time.
Sometimes it helps to take a step back from life to realize how great it really is. Just regular old every day life.
Grey during afternoon therapy.
My Goals Today:
- Breath, drink and eat something
- Memorize the state fish of Hawaii --I don't know why- I've just always wanted to...And PS-it is humuhumunukunukuāpuaʻa (it's pronounced HOO-moo-HOO-moo-NOO-koo-NOO-koo-AH-poo-AH-ah).
My ears and my shoulders are best friends...They always try to hang out together... I thought it was a Chrissy thing -but I think it is a woman thing...The more stressed I get the more they try to hang out. I was in spin class a few weeks ago and the instructor called out- Relax your shoulders! And the woman in front of me said- I feel like she's talking specifically to me. And then the woman on either side of her said- Me too- Me too! and I laughed because I was certain it was me she was signaling out. We think we are isolated in many of our thoughts and imperfections- but we really are often quite very the same.
I was watching a special 250th episode of Inside the Actors studio during my being needed hiatus today... The host, James Lipton has an innate gift of helping others strip down to their true self...Like naked time but with your clothes on... Lipton said that 3/4 of all the actors he has interviewed came from a broken home- either from divorce or the death of a Parent. And behind those stories was so much sadness... It felt good to watch it and cry... I think Acting is simply the conveying of emotion that is already inside us. It reminded me that so much beauty is born from sadness. I think the more we share our sadness the more others can connect and relate. It takes so much of the lonely away.
I've also seen the flip side. People who actually store their sadness instead of sharing it. People who don't want to bother people with their problems or who don't want to appear as imperfect as they really feel. People who do not share their truth feel lonelier than anyone. I think ultimately the storing up of sadness is one of the greatest tragedies known to humans. On the flip side, I think the sharing of sadness is one of the greatest gifts.
I think it's all part of The human condition. Wanting to relate and be understood. I've heard that said a million times and I didn't know it was a real thing- The Human Condition. Did you?... The human condition encompasses the unique features of being human. It can be described as the irreducible part of humanity that is inherent and not dependent on factors such as gender, race or class. It includes concerns such as the meaning of life, the search for gratification, the sense of curiosity, the inevitability of isolation, or awareness regarding the inescapability of death.
I'm happy I get to be human with you. Stop by Life with Greyson + Parker Facebook page and say hello. It makes me feel more human.
Time to go accomplish more of goal #2.
Have a great one...