Monday, June 17, 2013

little light bulbs

We started out our Monday morning with a dance party in the kitchen. Carry On by FUN... 
BLASTING at the loudest setting... Singing at the top of my lungs...

If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone
Carry on
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground
Carry on

Sometimes Mondays make me feel like I am sinking like a stone...and music helps...

I've had a headache pretty much every day since June of last year... Despite numerous physician visits, physical therapy, Chiropractor visits, injections and lotions and potions we've yet to alleviate the cause. Whatever it is- I've tried it. And now muscle pain has moved into my right shoulder and knee...

I don't talk about it much because when I don't talk about - or think about it- the pain is not as bad really. I can deal. Today I had a follow up appointment at the orthopaedic office- and I was forced to think and talk about it... and as I was talking to the Doctor my eyes welled up with tears and then over-flowed. I realized- it's not the pain that makes me cry. It's the what if this pain never goes away thoughts....But the pain always goes away- doesn't it? Sometimes it takes a day...sometimes it takes a year...maybe even longer... and sometimes you just have to find a place to put the pain while simultaneously creating extra joy to counteract the pain's power.

Arnold Schwarzenegger said, The last three or four reps is what makes the muscle grow. This area of pain divides the champion from someone else who is not a champion. That's what most people lack, having the guts to go on and just say they'll go through the pain no matter what happens.

And I am a champion- so I will go through the pain no matter what in order to get out on the other side. I need to continue to work at healing myself with passion. 

And despite today's tears my visit with the Doctor was exquisite. He took care of me with the same kindness used by a 9-year-old child, nursing back to heath a fallen baby bird found in the back yard. 

 photo photo-72_zps94f3351d.jpg

The walls are covered with athletes who have been helped ... After you fix me- I'm going to give you a picture of me to hang on your wall, I told him. Mom-ing is one of the toughest sports there is... He agreed. See- he's a smart guy.

He came up with a protocol for me- and said - Based on your symptoms and commitment I'm actually really hopeful and optimistic that we will get you feeling better... He said it with such kindness and such honesty in his eyes that I had no choice but to believe him... but just to be safe I asked him to write me a prescription...

 photo _MG_2458_zps09e33740.jpg

Hope and Optimism Daily... Unlimited refills...

And Friend, I am here to share my prescription with you...and I'm pretty sure that this kind of prescription sharing is legal. When I was checking out the woman at the desk said-- 
I see you have a prescription- I need to get a copy of it for your file. 

Oh- It's not real, I told her... She looked confused... 

See- it's for hope and optimism... I don't mind sharing some with you though... I think sharing hope and optimism with the people around you is one of the greatest communions of life. It's funny- the more I share- the more I still have for me.

A new summer schedule means that on Mondays both boys can do speech therapy at the same time... Which is an awesome time saver and nerve-wrecking all at the same time... Whose room do I go in?! I love watching them both explore the world, make sounds and play during speech... I ended up bouncing back and forth between the rooms.

 photo _MG_2438_zps919878d8.jpg

For over a year- throughout the day I speak out loud to Parker to help him make sense of the world... 
Parker- Let's go to car. 
Time to go bye bye. 
Let's go outside. 
You are thirsty- You want a drink. 
Here is a cookie. Eat cookie!

He looks at me with no recognition. If I say- Go get shoes- he doesn't understand. He barely has any receptive language- which isn't the spoken word, but the comprehension or understanding of words...

Today, before loading up the car for speech I said, Parker- Let's go bye bye, like I always do.  And for the first time ever, I saw a spark of recognition in his eyes. He threw down the toys he was holding and he ran for the front door...

And it was an amazing moment of complete joy... It's like the hundreds of times I was talking to him was actually putting a little deposit in his mind- and today it just finally paid off...

 photo _MG_2473copy_zpscebe486f.jpg

And it's moments like those that make my whole day- that I tie my kite to, relax and just feel myself fly... One day I will publish a book called Little Light Bulbs Daily... Because it's the little things that they finally just get that mean the most...

Thank you so much for being here and reading these words... If you want to say hello, stop by and see us on Facebook...  I'd love to hear from you...

 photo _MG_2496_zps8638e6de.jpg

Because this is what happens when I try to talk on the phone.

Hope you have a little light bulb kind of day...
Much Love,



  1. Best of luck to you & your little ones.

  2. That's what happens when I try to talk on the phone too... :)

  3. Hi Chrissy,
    I never comment on anything - but i too have suffered from chronic headaches and tried everything and i see a lot of myself in you. I know for sure that most of MY troubles are caused by the way i internalize stress, and poor posture. I hate advice and try not to give it but i know how those headaches sap the life out of me! One thing that really helps me is to tape a big X on my back (with athletic tape of some sort) while standing up straight. Makes it impossible to slouch and miraculously helped when nothing else would. I find a combination of that plus one massage a month and not sleeping on my side with my shoulder tucked underneath me (flat on my back with no pillow seems best). I love your prescription too! I think we all need to follow that a little more!
    Sure hope you find some relief!

  4. Chrissy,

    I just found your blog through momastery - and I have to say I might be hooked. And I am going to try my best today to be awesome. Cause what you said really does make a whole lot of sense. As a single mom of 2 kids some days I don't feel that way - but it really is up to us to make or break any day that comes along. So cheers to you for being awesome!!!!

    Amy in Colorado

  5. I love this, I've been dragging for no known reason, but hope optimism and being Awesome definitely feel better than lonely, tired, isolated... I'm sorry for your headaches, not that it's the same but I battle headaches much of my life. I feel such compassion for you to be wearing those headaches day after day! Thanks so much for your awesome thoughts, I'm excited Parker responded that's truly great!

  6. As a speech therapist, I must say, "GOOD JOB, MAMA!" All that work, day in and day out, really does pay off! :)

  7. I just found your blog through Momastery. I'm not an advice giver, but felt like I just needed to pass this on...cause hey, you just never know! About a year ago, I got crazy bad headaches, couldn't sleep well rarely ever, and then the pain moved down into my shoulders, shoulder blades and then in my knee joints. We could not figure out what was going on. No one could. Then I saw an allergist - it was gluten (and yeast and a few other big triggers) that was causing the headaches, joint pain, sleep issues. I had no idea. I had eaten them my whole life and never had issue (except I always had struggled with sleep), but our bodies can kind of all of a sudden go into attack mode and reject things we put in our body all of a sudden. Basically, my body was seeing these things as "poisons" causing my joints to be inflamed. Headaches are a natural bodily response to food insensitivities. I'm not sure if you've been allergy tested, but it might be something to consider. It's changed my life. I rarely ever have headaches (except when I overdose on gluten - sometimes you just gotta eat some cake!), my joint paint vanished, and I have slept the best in my entire life. I know food insensitivities can seem "hokey pokey", but it might be worth you checking out.