Wednesday, June 5, 2013


Here's the deal with Greyson- he's hard to handle.

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Don't let his amazing hair fool you- he's really hard. Greyson was not an easy baby, nor is he an easy kid. Pooping on the floor, breaking eggs, pushing Parker- acting out- that's just a day in the life here. I usually don't write about the details because -honestly- I'm used to it. I've never known anything else.

All I have to compare the hard Greyson to - is the easy Greyson- and like any other human he is both of those things at different times. Just like your child- hard is relative. Your hard may not be the same as your friend Emily's hard. Emily's hard might be a cinch compared to yours... It's just the way the whole Universe works. If you focus on fair and unfair- you miss out on the good stuff.

Sometimes Greyson is hard and it doesn't phase me- like yesterday... And sometimes Grey is the exact same level of hard- and it's unbearable- like today. There is a freedom in the recognition of that though- because it means that perception is absolutely the key to everything... I realized my perspective can be the greatest gift or it can ruin my life. I thank God every day I am naturally wired to choose the first option. I still have to work at it though.

Over the past week Michael has been home a day and a half. Too many days in a row of hard is starting to accumulate. The break at night time isn't enough to recharge. I'm in desperate need of a Grey-cation. I have not spent a night away from the boys since we moved to California's Central Valley- 3 years ago.

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However- I am proud to announce we are slowly but swiftly been eliminating naked pool time...Finally a battle I chose to fight...hard but worth it.

When Parker was a year old I promised myself if he turned out to be autistic that I would plan a Girl's trip to New York. I knew my soul would need the reminder that my problems are small and the World is big and delightful...What better place to feel that penetrate your bones than in New York City...

And somewhere between that promise and now- I've started to forget how to live. I've started to ground hog day my Life too much. I cleaned my toilets on Sunday- because I always clean my toilets on Sunday. I do things how I do things...all the time...That's just how I live..

And todays hard reminded me it's time to color outside the lines...I'm thinkng it's time to book this trip early September.

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Today poor Parker broke out with

My poor babysitter got sick- and therefore my 2 hour get away was squashed this evening. I left the house once today- at 7:30pm to get Parker some Zyrtec. Did I mention today was hard?

And I reminded myself over and over again today- Just this moment is hard- not your forever.

I don't focus on the hard- because that would consume me...but I can't be in denial about the hard either- because that would catch up with me quickly and kill me. So I try to feel moments. I try to focus on the moment- not forever- and I try to work through the hard and move on.

I try to feel sunsets and taste chocolate, feel the buzz and glow from a sweet glass of wine, enjoy walks and cherish belly laughs because all of those things counteract the hard.

The happy moments don't last forever- but the consolation prize is that neither do the sad, hard, unbearable ones. Don't turn a moment in your Life into a forever.

Random thought:
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Why don't they make Take & Toss kid's underwear? I'm not really the- let me scub poo out of your underwear type of gal.


Sometimes we go so fast we forget to listen. I notice some people ask- How are you? Good? Good. And at the same time they are asking they are answering and shaking their head yes- so all you are left to do is nod your head in agreement.

Our eyes, our hands, our shoulders, our lips- upturned or straight- or vibe, our essence, our light, our very spirit. They all talk quite loudly.

Ever since Greyson was 22 months old I started talking out loud to him. His pediatrician assumed he was just a late talker and suggested talking out loud as a great way to get them to speak while understanding the rules of the world. I have to speak in sentences congruent with Grey's current level of learning. Just a few small words at a time.

For the most part it feels natural now- my constant talking. We go to car. Mommy open door. Mommy hungry.  Mommy eat.

Sometimes I feel like I talk all the time. I have to remind myself to listen. Greyson has taught me that I can also listen with my eyes and my intuition and my gut too. When I realized that --it opened a whole new universe. I've heard things I wouldn't have otherwise heard with my ears.

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I'm learning to listen to Grey's needs when he uses his Picture Exchange Communication (PECS) system. He is catching on that "talking" by handing us a picture and then expressively saying it- CHIPS- gets him what he wants...

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Which will help decrease the things he tries to do for himself because he can't talk...

I listened to Parker this morning saying I am hungry- without words...

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Tomorrow I will focus on being a good listener...

Big Fat Hugs,


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  1. "Just this moment is hard, not your forever."
    This is totally going to bu my mantra for today...hell for every day! Love...

  2. I say God made my son so cute & funny because most time it's the only thing that saves him ;) He can be hard and it leaves me feeling like I am not enough. Thank you for the reminder about perspective. I agree, I am usually one to see the beauty in my life but there are times I forget that this, too, shall pass.
    Love & happiness to you sweet mama <3 Jennifer

  3. New to this blog, slid over from Momastery and I am eating up your words and the pictures of your boys. My little man is dancing with the autism spectrum and it's like your seeing little bits of my thoughts. But the real reason I had to comment on this post (as I am slowly working my way back through your days), was the picture of Greyson climbing in the closet...all the stuff piled on the counters...thank you for that picture...because YES...that is my kitchen! ;) You have a beautiful family...super powers like The Incredibles...and a wonderful way with words.