Wednesday, June 4, 2014

to do: failure

There is a rule in photography.

10% of all the pictures you take will turn out really good.

1% are stop your heart amazing.

So if you take 200 pictures, 20 will be awesome, and 2 will give you goosebumps. It's completely a numbers game. And the catch? You gotta be willing to take a ton of bad pictures. Actually, 178 marginally crappy pictures following these stats. You need to willingly take bad pictures just so you can get to the goose bump part.

I'm pretty sure it's like that with life too. You have to be willing to fail a TON in order to get to the good parts. But something happens to me. I'll get to the 20th bad picture part of life and think. This is sooooo hard... and then I get to the 40th bad picture and trick myself... I hate this. I don't even want to do this in the first place. And then I get to the 80th terrible picture and think- I quit, and I'm on to the next thing. I'm sure many times I miss out on the 20 good. I may even ENTIRELY miss out on the 2 show stoppers.

I'm reevaluating my life. I'm putting "fail" on my to do list tomorrow and much, much more often.

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Okay- so tonight I put on grown up clothes and left the house at 8pm. I was even wearing high heels. I was exhausted by the time I left the house AND walked to the car in my big girl shoes. My dear Friend Lisa is running to be the District Attorney of Fresno.

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I started to cry the second I hugged her because I am so incredibly proud of how hard she has worked campaigning the past few months. I am absolutely NOT cut out for politics. 

The incumbent opponent sent out a negative attack mailer last week (one of many negative messages she put out). Do you know when you are so angry that you just start to cry? That's what I did talking to Michael. I feel like our mail box just got vandilized. Why is she allowed to say this stuff? She works for the LAW- doesn't she have to be TRUTHFUL? Why is she lying and trying to involve Lisa's entire family? Why doens't she just focus on the good she has done?! 

Lisa and I are an unlikely couple. She is a brilliant, articulate attorney. She wears power suits. She does closing arguments so compelling that it makes me want to confess. She is an actual grown up. I don't even remember how to act like a grown up in public most of the time. I don't know what grown up people are supposed to talk about. I have to constantly talk to myself under my breath.

Don't over share. Talk about the weather. Don't talk about Greyson's interesting poop story this afternoon. Not appropriate. Talk about sports. Wait- I don't know about sports. DO NOT CURSE. Do not talk about autism. Do not mention that 9pm is the latest you have been out of the house in a really, really long time. STOP YAWNING. No, you can not take off your stupid shoes just for one second. Oh man, I just wish I was in my pajamas.

So that pretty much eliminated every single thing that I would talk about. So I just smiled. And ate calamari. And had a glass of wine which I NEVER do on a school night because: 

a. it will make me SO tired tomorrow and I am usually all business M-F 
b. I am regimented and uptight and do the same thing every night. Really, I need to loosen up.

The party was packed. Wall to wall people and energy. I notice a gentleman that looks very familiar. I can't place how I know him at first, but then I remember. I will never forget the kind eyes he shined on me in a moment I desperately needed kindness. He was the prosecutor for the murder trial I was almost placed on for jury duty.  Hi, remember me? I go up to him and ask. I was the woman loosing her shit  crying hysterically in your courtroom. Both of my boys have autism. (Oh shoot- that is on the do not talk about list. Drat.) I didn't do that to get out of it- just so you know. I really felt bad.  We had a good conversation. The trial was for gang murder and I tried to find any information on it in the press afterwards- but I couldn't find a thing. He let me know that the verdict was guilty on two counts of murder. I thanked him for keeping our streets safe. Why don't I do that more often? Thank the people that make it possible for me to never ever think about crime? Does anyone have any ideas- anyone in law enforcement have an idea how we can do that? Even RIGHT NOW, as I type- there are police officers keeping us safe. And you- wherever you are reading, I bet you are somewhere safe and cozy too.

So, I'm off to check the current poll results and hit the hay. Big day tomorrow-I've got lots of failing to do.

UPDATE: LISA WON!!!!!! Good wins. Honest wins. Lisa reminded me that a few punches don't have to knock you out. 



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  1. Looks like it was a winner for Mrs. Smittcamp....and a picture of the back of your head is on the Fresno Bee hugging that new DA!

  2. You could be a "Berker beauty". And showcase #2 is.........Lisa for DA! What is your bid?
    Lol! Sometimes it's good to act like a grown up every once in a awhile. It helps us appreciate our our yoga pants that much more the next day.

  3. Once again, a beautiful post with the perfect dose of insight. I'll now be making an effort to say thank you more today and to keep taking bad pictures :) xoxo

  4. Those shoes!!! I love them and feel your pain all at the same time. Beautiful post and photo's. I think most of your photography is show stopping.

  5. Yay, Lisa!!!!
    And as always....yay, you!