God LOVES change. Clearly as it's woven throughout many of his designs. It's like his go to color while painting our lives. Yes, he says stepping back a little while squinting his eyes to take in the full picture, change will be perfect, right here, he says and he paints with wild, poignant and gorgeous brush strokes And when he is finished he sighs at the glory of his creation.
He is hopeful that we will love his perfect creation so he only gives us a tiny eye roll and mildly sympathetic smile when we stomp our feet and yell that we like things exactly the way they are- much like a toddler declares I NOT TIRED.
But the child that yells that they aren't tired- is always exhausted, and sleep is EXACTLY what we need. Just like we need change.
As human beings we need change to survive, and to grow into the people we were created to be. So it's happening. Always. Change. And often times it's not the change itself that gets us- but our very resistance to it. What are we so afraid of? I guess it's loss. Loss of stability. Loss of happiness. Loss of money, time or peace of mind. But the very resistance itself is what has the ability to rob us of those vital things.
Repeat the following:
I will let go.
I resist nothing.
There is unfathomable greatness in my future.
I have strength beyond measure.
Cut and paste that baby. Put it on your mirror, on your laptop, on a post it in your car. Because you deserve to be happy simply because you are you.
Inside every one of us is a voice that says I'm not worthy. I'm not good enough. I'm not cut out for this. I'm not a real grown up. I am damaged goods. I have nothing important to give to the world. And then on top of that we think everyone else IS worthy, IS good enough, IS cut out for this.
I want to remind you that the mean voice is a liar. Not an ounce of it is true. Sometimes we go so far as to make it true. Because that asshole voice loves to be right. Then we find false evidence that supports our own claims. It's awful really. And we create all of this. Which is so weird- right? Why would we ever want to create this? Sometimes the key to change is simply being aware. One of the things I want to let go of in 2015 is that voice. It's outstayed it's welcome. It's stopped me from going for things I want and things I deserve.
What do you want to let go of?
Over the weekend we moved. A few months ago we decided that we wanted our boys to be in the neighboring school district. Boom. Just like that- one day after years of praying and asking around and hoping- we just listed our house. And it felt like the potential for loss. It felt like a worst case scenario. We had wonderful neighbors. We even had a perfect little neighborhood park. We lived in a brand new home that we loved. I could tell you a million things I didn't want to lose. But the funny thing is- when we are focusing on what we are letting go of- it's impossible to focus on what we will gain.
I felt like a grown up. Grown ups move. They label boxes. They unpack.
They get excited by things like their current utensil holder fitting into their new drawer. Excited by the fact that hanging a few pictures can instantly make the place feel like home.
And there was so much to gain. The boys have probably had an easier time with the transition than I even did. They blew me away. They have all their comforts from our old house: toys/furniture/tv- and they are completely at peace here. They have a way of focusing on the good. Like a big back yard.
As soon as Parker wakes up he runs outside. It's like he's lived here all his life.
The house was built in the 1950's and has some of the cutest quirkiest designs elements.
We even have an orange tree in the back and some grape vines in the front. I can't believe it's all real.
And huge calming palm trees welcoming us home, every single day.
And we are blessed. Blessed, blessed, blessed. Not with perfection, but with reality. For example, although the house was completely gutted and redone we have still had to work through some kinks. Like POO that was squirting out of our shower drain. I'm serious. Luckily we had our pipes- cleaned? I don't know- whatever plumbers come and do to make the poo stop coming out.
You guys- I saw that shit in the shower and I just laughed. A good, deep belly laugh. It made me realize that usually I don't sweat the big stuff. It's the small stuff that gets me. I'm gonna work on laughing at the small stuff somehow too.
And today this happened and I could feel the glow of God's paint strokes in our life.
Trash Truck Tuesdays.
Of course we will miss Frank's weekly Wednesday visits. Frank is now a dear friend and we will still see him outside of his route. His route goes about a block away from our home and he will also come visit. Greyson and I have been enjoying the trash truck for a long time- a couple of years before we met Frank. We can't let the show stop now.
Welcome Change. Stay as long as you would like.
Sometimes at first glance a gift can look like a burden. It's amazing the gifts that you see if you just take a moment to look for them.
So much love,