Monday, August 26, 2019

one more step

Today is just one step on your million mile journey. In the moment it can feel like your forever, but it's all so temporary and tiny. Even the big stuff. Endings crash into beginnings at a rapid pace at this time of the year. All an imbalanced mixture of excitement and pain and fear of loss and the unknown.

Man is being a human hard sometimes. Constant transitions and the reminder that we must (we must we must, please Chrissy- YOU must) learn how to let go. "You are in control of nothing," I remind myself by the day. Sometimes by the hour. Sometimes it's so concrete. But more often, it's hard for me to see the line between what I can control and what I can’t. It is SUCH a blurred line that overlaps in many places.

At the end of last school year, I wrote myself a SMART IEP goal. Something along the lines of: By September 2019, Chrissy will make an appointment with the following medical providers: OBGYN, Mammogram, Dentist, Ortho, Podiatrist, Primary Care with 100% accuracy, as measured by calendar data.

While Greyson was in a home school program, I seriously neglected this aspect of my life. Don't feel sorry for me- I found a way to work out and on occasion, stop by TJ MAXX way too often for retail therapy. But when I have "me time" I'd prefer not spend it getting my teeth cleaned or my boobs squished. But alas, I am old people, and old people are like old cars that you can not trade in for younger models. You just must find the problem and the missing part and then wait for it to come in as you also wait for the next thing to break down. You just hope it isn't your heart or your air conditioning or- I don't even remember what I'm talking about anymore. It's 8:30pm and all my brain is fit for is BRAVO TV. So forgive me.

I've been chipping away at making those appointments. (Atta girl, proud of you.) Today while at the Dentist (on a MONDAY no less. Warrior I say. Someone give me a trophy), the woman cleaning my teeth said- I see a spot. Not sure if it's a cavity or just a dark spot. Also, this part here feels a little sticky. We'll have the Dentist look at it. I don't mind going to the dentist, and I can totally handle dental work. But I can NOT handle waiting while the Dentist reviews my xrays to see if anything is wrong. I won't to yell out like I do when watching crime shows on TV.  "WHAT IS HAPPENING?! WHAT DOES 'STICKY' MEAN?! I BRUSHED MY TEETH BEFORE I CAME HERE AND DIDN'T FEEL ANYTHING STICKY.

So, the Dentist came in and said a spot under the crown I have is "sticky". But since I had a root canal on that tooth, the root could be decaying and I wouldn't feel it until it was too late. "This pocket here, could be decaying but we can't tell", he says, pointing at an xray where everything looks the same to me. (Me,  imagining a pocket of rotting funk in my mouth that takes over my face like a zombie unexpectedly.) I start swallowing rapidly while my eyes grow big as dinner plates- "Can we do something about it now?!" I ask. Attempting to control the situation to avoid the horrible and unexpected. But nope, I just have to use this tiny Christmas tree looking floss pic and make sure I keep the underside of my crown root clean. (Also, I'm eating chocolate as I type and I'm not a small bit regretting that.) Also- I have TWO cavities- in between two teeth and I have to go back to get them filled.

I left the office feeling like all of this was a 9-1-1. That's the thing about Generalized Anxiety- it can't usually categorize big from small with any regularity. But I brush my teeth! I floss. I can control that- so why can’t I control cavities? I asked the Universe, who then laughed at me for STILL not learning how to let go. We can't completely control our physical and mental health, but there are many aspects within them that we CAN CONTROL. THIS IS TOO CONFUSING.

Ugh. Maybe my next IEP goal will be to understand the difference between things I can and can't control. My baseline is pretty inconsistent, and boy would that knowledge take a load off.


So, Grey is back at school after a break of almost two years. Doing home school was always meant to be temporary. He needs and deserves peers and community and the group routine that only a school environment can provide. His time in his home program was so valuable. You guys- he can read (not decode, not yet) but can read HUNDREDS of words and do basic comprehension of the text he reads. He can use his device to say SO MUCH. SO SO MUCH. He can write things- with a pencil- in correct form!  These are things I KNEW he could and should learn but wasn’t in the school environment. I had the privilege to keep him home and come up with the skills I knew he needed, and then work with professionals to make it happen. (Don't ask me advice on how to Home school. I am lost without subject matter experts, and I seek out everything I don't know how to do- which is A LOT.)





Every year I make an "About Me" for the boys. It's hard to hand over a little piece of your soul, especially if they can't verbally express themselves like a General Ed student can. So I do my best to give staff- all staff, from the cafeteria to the nurse to the Speech Therapist- a little glimpse into my boys.


But what about everyone else who deserve to be presumed competent and given the supports they need to learn ? (A thought that keeps me up at night.)

Today marked the beginning of week three of school, and he's handled it like a CHAMP. Both boys are, but they are already ready for next Summer. Grey tells me, "Greyson all done school", eleventy hundred times a day, but he goes and he tries every darn day. I am proud of them.

I don't talk about specifics with regards to the boys and school. I have to respect the process, and respect the privacy of the many people who work hard (often with limited resources) and do the right thing. I will however continue to discuss the advocacy I do to change the system and the World.

"You can only advocate for your own child" many seasoned Special Education Parents of older children have told me. But that wasn't God's plan. I know that so much of what my boys need and are legally entitled to- everyone needs. I believe if you see something that isn't right- it is your job to speak up if you can. The outcome I can't control, but the speaking up- I most certainly can and will.

Baby steps my friend. The end of the million miles will be here before we know it.

30 comments:

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    1. Margaret Loughrey
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  7. Hi everyone my name is Cristy Davis, after 10 years of playing lotto game i am finally living my dream life, all thanks to Dr Dominion i will never forget that great man never in my entire life, i am who i am today all because of him he gave me a winning numbers to play and he prepared a lotto winning spell for me that helped me won my mega million. thank you so much Dr Dominion for what you have done for my entire generations, i will forever be grateful.
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    ReplyDelete
  8. I want to say a big thanks to Dr Sayo who God have sent to heal his people with his natural medicine I pray that God will bless you for the good work you are doing. for all who are still suffering from this illness, you can also contact him through his email on :;; sayoherbalhealer@gmail.com or whatsapp him +2349012175679 visit his FB page: https://www.facebook.com/SayoHerbalHealer like they say his herbal remedy is the only permanent solution to Seizure. He Can as well cure the following... Herpes Virus, HIV/Aids, Hepatitis A/B, Shingles, Cold Sore, Epilepsy, Wart, Lupus, Diabetes, Men/Woman Infertility, Seizure, Cancer all types. visit his website: http://sayoherbalhome.com/

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  9. Hi everyone, after 10 years of playing lotto game i am finally living my dream life, all thanks to Dr Dominion i will never forget that great man never in my entire life, i am who i am today all because of him he gave me a winning numbers to play and he prepared a lotto winning spell for me that helped me won the powerball jackpot. friend and I stopped at the party store that day to buy some Lottery, I bought a couple scratch offs and decided to get one Mega Millions ticket and one Powerball ticket, too.

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  10. Hi everyone i want to share my amazing testimony on how Dr Graceondu blessed my life, i used to work as a cleaner in supper market, i have been playing lottery game for long now and i don't usually win, i came across a testimony of someone testifying about how Dr Graceondu prayed for her and gave her a lottery game to play and she won big amount of money, so also decided to try my luck, i contact him through his website and he assured me that he will help me, he told me it will take him two day to pray for me, so on the second day he gave me some lottery numbers to play and i went to play the game so on that faithful day i went to check the game to my greatest surprise i won a very big amount that changed my status, i quit as a cleaner in the supper market and i became a company owner.
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  11. Margaret Loughrey
    I never thought that I could be this wealthy after all I've been through trying to meet ends and take care of my family, I used to play lottery but has never be lucky to win until I saw some comments online how he had helped a lot of people win, after first I didn't believe him but still I gave it a try, I wrote him a message on email after few hours he replied back so I told him what I want he assured me success. he also told me what I should do and I did all he requested from me, after some hours he gave me the lucky numbers and showed me where to play so i did as instructed to my biggest surprise I won 27 million pounds (Euromillions). Now I'm rich and happy all thanks to Dr Benjamin for the help, I'm nothing without you. if you need his help to win you can reach him via his email drbenjaminlottospell711@gmail.com and his whatsapp +13344539570 or visit his website Drbenjamintemple.com

    ReplyDelete
  12. I am Larry Baier. I can never stop thanking Dr Graceondu for transforming my life, i have been playing lottery games for a very long time and i have never one day win any game, i met a friend whom i complained to about my inability to win and he introduced me to Dr Graceondu whom helped him by praying for him and giving him a game that he played and he won $150,000
    so i contacted him through his email and he assured me that i will win big. he asked me to give him two day so he can make some prayers on my behalf so that the winning numbers will be revealed to him, so i waited for two days the second day he sent me the number to play, so i play the game i never had it in my mind that i was going to win such amount of money, so on that faithful day i went to check the game on April 16, 2021 and behold i got the biggest shock of my life i won $2,000,000 and from that moment my life changed.
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    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
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  22. I want to express how grateful I am to CYBERCRDITGURU a credible and reliable hacker who helped recovered the $45,000 I lost to scammers online and also hacked into my cheating husband’s mobile phone and social media accounts. I am married with 3 kids although my husband is extravagant and cheats on me with a lot of side chicks, he hardly comes home. Then I saw this investment platform online and decided to invest the sum of $45,000 to it, with the intention to grow it but I never got my money back neither capital nor profit. “I was scammed”. However, I discovered CYBERCREDITGURU through positive reviews read on MerchantCircle and reached out to them immediately on CYBERCREDITGURU (AT) GMAIL DOT COM and phone/text: +1 (650) 439 0624 and they helped recovered my lost $45,000 and helped me monitor my husband’s calls and social media accounts. I now have my husband back. I can’t thank them enough but give them a 5-star review as a token of my sincere appreciation. I strongly recommend them to anyone with related issues. Here is there contact again: CYBERCREDITGURU (AT) GMAIL DOT COM and phone/text: +1 (650) 439 0624

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  23. I have been unlucky playing the Lottery over the years. I couldn't take the pain anymore and I searched for help online. I saw random positive reviews of DR AMBER saying how he has been helpful with his spells. I visited his webpage: ( amberlottotemple.com ) and he told me what was required to get what I seek for done and I accepted. He did a reading for me that made it clear to him that I was going to become a MEGA JACKPOT winner and he gave me the right numbers to play the Lottery. I had faith in him and I went back to the store a few days later to confirm if I had won and while the clerk was checking my ticket, I heard her say ‘Oh my God! I looked up and saw the Big Winner screen of $36,449,852.60. I was completely shocked, but calm. It feels amazing – I can’t imagine this shift in my life and I want to appreciate this man DR AMBER for his help. It’s not everybody that is naturally lucky to win the Lottery but the solution to win is DR AMBER. For more info Call/Text/Telegram +1 808 481 5132 or E-mail: amberlottotemple@yahoo.com

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  24. I've been a carpenter for the past 18 years and playing the Lottery has always been my thing and my Wife supports me but winning big funds is always an issue. My Wife is quite good at surfing the internet and she came across an AD of DR AMBER who helps people that believes in his work. My Wife & I emailed him for help to win the Lottery and guess what!!! He did a spell prayer and gave us some digits to play the Lottery. We did as he instructed and we were notified after 10 days that we'd won $245,600,000 MILLION DOLLARS from the NY LOTTERY POWERBALL that we played. We can't really explain the feeling we had when we heard the amount we WON for we were so happy. Everything seemed like a dream for some minutes till we realized that it was REALITY" LOL". Anyways, we are here to appreciate DR AMBER and also to share to you all the wonderful experiences we had with him. To get his contact info for WhatsApp/Telegram/Call/Text, Visit: amberlottotemple.com or E-mail: amberlottotemple@yahoo.com

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  25. Greetings to the general public, I want to tell about how I was cured of
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  26. IS IT POSSIBLE TO ACTUALLY GET BACK FUNDS LOST TO CRYPTOCURRENCY SCAM? ABSOLUTELY, YES. DO YOU DESIRE CREDIT REPAIR?(TRANSUNION, EQUIFAX, EXPERIAN). YOU MUST CONTACT THE RIGHT AGENCY TO ACHIEVE THIS.

    Recovery Precinct is a financial regulator, private investigation and funds recovery body. We specialize in cases concerning ethical hacking, cryptocurrency, FAKE investment schemes and recovery scam.

    Visit www.recoveryprecinct.com now to report your case or contact our support team via the contact information below to get started.

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    Stay Safe !

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  27. Am Robert Mitchell USA , How i purchased Willy Wonka Golden Ticket from Wal-Mart #2605 in Gallipolis and won $15,000, It still feels incredible that my life has changed and I thank Dr Prince  everyday for his help. It is the best feeling in the world knowing that I am financially secure.Dr.Prince has proved that all the comment that i have read about him are all true, I am saying this now because before i contacted Dr.Prince i was having doubts if all what i have read about Dr.Prince are true but after contacting him, i believed that Dr.Price  is truly powerful and his spell has the capability to Win all kinds of lottery All thanks Dr prince, his obinnaspelltemple@yahoo.com His website https://obinnaspelltemple.com/

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