Wednesday, September 18, 2019

The In Between

Life is one big in between, yet we desperately push for the end. We feel the pressure of a phase or a season and want to instantly push through to the other side. We can fast forward through commercials and order our coffee on an app so we don't have to wait in line. We are forgetting how to be uncomfortable. Being ok without being ok is a marvelous skills to possess. It doesn't mean fake it until you make it (also quite useful at times). But it means- I WILL be ok even when things aren't ok. I WILL be ok when things are hard. I WILL be ok. I just will, because I choose to be. It's a muscle we must strength like anything else. I think I need a brain trainer.

I've often associated some level of shame with not being ok. My inner asshole says, GET IT TOGETHER WOMAN. You are not a victim. You are in control of this. Yet, I still struggle to see the blurry line between what I can control, what I can't and what I simply MUST let go of. What I am not and never have been able to control. That list is long, yet I try to cut it down. I think- if I can control it- it won't shook me. It won't drown me. I will not be unprepared. It won't kill me.

It hit me last Spring. I am NOT ok. It wasn't a bad day or even week- it was a deeper level of not ok. My anxiety had blown my roof off my head. In January my person- Jack the dog died suddenly. It had been so long since I had experienced that level of loss, and I was undone. And five days later his sidekick, Belle the dog died. They were our first babies. Our constant companion from kidless young marrieds in Los Angeles, to two kids and old people in Fresno. They knew all the me's I've ever been, even when I had forgotten.


Then at the end of January, my Dad had a routine-ish surgery on a brain cyst, then complications, a second emergency surgery, and then a lengthy stay at a horrible Nursing Home/Rehab facility, and in March he died. My dad is so much a part of my DNA, I still don't quite know who I am without him here. There is a level of safeness I've always felt that is gone because he is gone. I didn't realize that, until it was gone. I keep his picture at my nightstand and on the kitchen windowsill where I wash my hands elevently hundred times a day. 





My Dad's death has made me reevaluate everything about life and my own mortality. The initial intense pain is lessening, but it still hurts to look at pictures. I cup my hands on either side of my face and close my eyes and pretend it is him. Oh, to just touch his face ...

So as we started the process of having Greyson evaluated to go back into public school for the first time in almost 2 years, I realized all the glue and tape and temporary fixes I had used to put myself back together like Humpty Dumpty, weren't working. I recognized that I felt scared all the time. I was ready to stop feeling that level of intensity. 

I signed up for an appointment with a psychologist on an app called Doctor On Demand.  It's an app for all things Doctor covered through our health insurance. It seemed the easiest way to work with our crazy schedule. I eagerly awaited my appointment. Finally the day/time arrived and I logged in. It's like Facetime- (I know kind of weird). And for the first 8 minutes the screen read "technical difficulties". I hung up and tried again. And again. And again. Finally, I tried again from my computer and it worked. Until it didn't The screen would freeze, while I could still hear her talking. It was distracting and annoying. It kept freezing up and booting us off. So then she decides to just call me. Immediately- not being able to see a person and have them see me felt like not therapy.

ding ding ding

I hear her opened her car door. I am so distracted. Is she driving? Where is she going? This is still our allotted appointment time. It was hilarious. I was honestly laughing out loud. I make an appointment to help with the piles of anxiety I had been feeling, and I got off the phone feeling SO SO EXTRA ANXIOUS. Turns out tele- mental heath therapy isn't for me right now. 

That unbearable intensity has let up a little. Summer (and doubling up on my Effexor) was a welcomed break and refuge. But I have still found myself hiding. I always want to stay home. I'm scared to leave my dogs. (There I said it). After Jack and Belle died, Oliver and Lucy joined our life. 




And there is this irrational fear that accompanies my deep love for them. We were out of town for just 24 hours when Jack got sick. We came home and he was in so much pain, and then he was dead. If I don't leave Lucy and Oliver- they won't ever die, my mind tells me. Add this to big anxiety when I (rarely)leave the boys overnight. Can you see the running theme in my life? Fear. Anxiety.

I realized I feel scared a lot.

When Summer started, the beautiful Jamie-Lynn Sigler asked me to be a guest on her podcast Mama Said. Of course my first instinct was NO. And then- Why would you want me on there? (But I told that inner chatty asshole suffering from Imposter Syndrome to shut the F up and replied that I would LOVE TO DO IT. Because that was the real truth.)

And we booked it for September, and this weekend it happened. It's been so long since I had done anything like that- just myself. It was out of character for who I have been feeling like for so long, but - it is absolutely IN character with the real me- if that makes any sense. I drove by myself. I stayed in a hotel BY MYSELF. At first I was a little nervous with myself, like it was a first date. So, do you come here often? (actually no.) And then in tiny little droplets I remembered me. The me I've been before and after marriage and kids and everything in between. 

I took a long walk that evening up and down Wilshire and all the tiny side streets in Beverly Hills. Nostalgia smacked me in the face repeatedly. I can't believe this used to be part of my life- Los Angeles. It's a place that feels so familiar yet so far removed from my day to day now. I loved it then. I love my life now, here in the Central Valley. But the rapid movement of time, and the ability to hold only so many memories at once scared me. How did I forget all about this part of my life? 


I will NOT take a selfie with Villa Blanca in the background. But I WILL take a picture of it like a total tourist while walking by!


And of course it was ALL perfect and exciting and so much fun. I am so inspired by Jamie's honesty with her diagnosis of MS. I love how she shares the honest struggles of it, yet isn't a victim. I love how her whole life isn't MS, it's just a part of it. It doesn't define her- she is not MS. She is a Momma and wife and daughter and actor and sharer and connector. Maybe it's because she and her incredible co host Jenna Parris, are so damn relatable, or maybe because I feel like I know them from listening to their podcast, but it wasn't scary at all. I felt all of Joan of Arc's words: I am not afraid, I was born to do this. 



These ladies so a need- more communication and connection around the ever-evolving feelings of motherhood. Sometimes it feels so isolating, and so often we feel as if we are the only one who feels these things. 

Here are some of my favorite episodes:
This one on Grief is SO GOOD
And this one on being an F***ING awesome mom is LEGIT.
And an interview with the Husbands  (SO RELATABLE).

So often we wait for the end. Its written in all the fairy tales, and it's when it all finally comes together. It's often the beginning too. But my Dad's death reminded me- maybe we don't want to get to THE END. Because sometimes it really is the end-end. And at the end, we don't know what will have- things we might take for granted now, like the ability to walk or talk or see or not experience intense pain. The beauty and the grit and the lessons and the profound and ordinary is in the mucky complicated middle. If we are really, really lucky- we are so far from THE END, and we are drifting through our own in between. Truly feeling ok, deep in our bones, even when we aren't.

44 comments:

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      I want to let the world know about Dr Love0 the Great spell caster that brought back my husband to me when i thought all hope was lost. Dr Love0 used his powerful spell to put a smile on my face by bringing back my man with his spell, at first i thought i was dreaming when my husband came back to me on his knees begging me to forgive him and accept him back and ever since then he loves me more than i ever expected so i made a vow to my self that i will let the World know about Dr Love0 because he is a God on earth. Do you have problems in your relationship ? have your partner broke up with you and you still love and want him back ? Do you have problem with your finance ? or do you need help of any kind then contact Dr Love0 today for i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you just as he helped me. Dr Love0 email:(doctor0lovespell@gmail. com) or visit his website: https://doctor0lovespell.wixsite.com/mysite-2 or contact his FB page: https://www.facebook.com/Lovespellthatworkfastusa also check his blogs: https://doctorlovespell0.blogspot.com/












      REAL URGENT EFFECTIVE SPELL CASTER TO HELP BRING BACK EX LOVER AND SAVE MARRIAGE https://doctor0lovespell.wixsite.com/mysite-2
      I want to let the world know about Dr Love0 the Great spell caster that brought back my husband to me when i thought all hope was lost. Dr Love0 used his powerful spell to put a smile on my face by bringing back my man with his spell, at first i thought i was dreaming when my husband came back to me on his knees begging me to forgive him and accept him back and ever since then he loves me more than i ever expected so i made a vow to my self that i will let the World know about Dr Love0 because he is a God on earth. Do you have problems in your relationship ? have your partner broke up with you and you still love and want him back ? Do you have problem with your finance ? or do you need help of any kind then contact Dr Love0 today for i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you just as he helped me. Dr Love0 email:(doctor0lovespell@gmail. com) or visit his website: https://doctor0lovespell.wixsite.com/mysite-2 or contact his FB page: https://www.facebook.com/Lovespellthatworkfastusa also check his blogs: https://doctorlovespell0.blogspot.com/











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    9. How I got back my ex husband after he left me and our kids” I suggest you read my testimony. I’m Tracy Donald from the United state, I’m so excited my husband is back after he left me for another woman. My husband was having an affair with a coworker and i love my husband so much but he was cheating on me with his co-worker and this girl i think use witchcraft or black magic on my husband to make him hate me and this was so critical and uncalled-for, I cry all day and night for God to send me a helper to bring back my husband! I was really upset and I needed help, so I searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Kadiri can help get an ex-boyfriend back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and I did it, then he did a love spell for me. 11hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he missed me so much, Oh My God! I was so happy, and today i am happy with my man again and we are joyfully living together and I thank the powerful spell caster Dr Kadiri, he is so powerful and i decided to share my story here. If you are here and your Lover is turning you down, or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact Dr Kadiri for help now..Here’s his contact, drkadirilovespellhome@gmail.com Call/WhatsApp Dr Kadiri +2348102430456  

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    10. How I got back my ex husband after he left me and our kids” I suggest you read my testimony. I’m Tracy Donald from the United state, I’m so excited my husband is back after he left me for another woman. My husband was having an affair with a coworker and i love my husband so much but he was cheating on me with his co-worker and this girl i think use witchcraft or black magic on my husband to make him hate me and this was so critical and uncalled-for, I cry all day and night for God to send me a helper to bring back my husband! I was really upset and I needed help, so I searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Kadiri can help get an ex-boyfriend back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and I did it, then he did a love spell for me. 11hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he missed me so much, Oh My God! I was so happy, and today i am happy with my man again and we are joyfully living together and I thank the powerful spell caster Dr Kadiri, he is so powerful and i decided to share my story here. If you are here and your Lover is turning you down, or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact Dr Kadiri for help now..Here’s his contact, drkadirilovespellhome@gmail.com Call/WhatsApp Dr Kadiri +2348102430456  

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  2. When I found Dr. Paul I was in desperate need of bringing my ex lover back. He left me for another woman. It happened so fast and I had no say in the situation at all. He just dumped me after 3 years with no explanation. I contact Dr.Paul through his website and He told me me what i need to do before he can help me and i did what he told me to, after i provided what he wanted, he cast a love spell to help us get back together. Shortly after he did his spell, my boyfriend started texting me again and felt horrible for what  he just put me through. He said that I was the most important person in his life and he knows that now. We moved in together and he was more open to me than before and then he started spending more time with me  than before. Ever since Dr. Paul helped me, my partner is very stable, faithful and closer to me than before. I highly recommends Dr. Paul to anyone in need of help. Email: astoriashrine@ gmail com, Call him or add him on whatsapp via: +2349051441669         

    ReplyDelete
  3. When I found Dr. Paul I was in desperate need of bringing my ex lover back. He left me for another woman. It happened so fast and I had no say in the situation at all. He just dumped me after 3 years with no explanation. I contact Dr.Paul through his website and He told me me what i need to do before he can help me and i did what he told me to, after i provided what he wanted, he cast a love spell to help us get back together. Shortly after he did his spell, my boyfriend started texting me again and felt horrible for what  he just put me through. He said that I was the most important person in his life and he knows that now. We moved in together and he was more open to me than before and then he started spending more time with me  than before. Ever since Dr. Paul helped me, my partner is very stable, faithful and closer to me than before. I highly recommends Dr. Paul to anyone in need of help. Email: astoriashrine@ gmail com, Call him or add him on whatsapp via: +2349051441669         

    ReplyDelete
  4. I want to thank Dr Emu a very powerful spell caster who help me to bring my husband back to me, few month ago i have a serious problem with my husband, to the extend that he left the house, and he started dating another woman and he stayed with the woman, i tried all i can to bring him back, but all my effort was useless until the day my friend came to my house and i told her every thing that had happened between me and my husband, then she told me of a powerful spell caster who help her when she was in the same problem I then contact Dr Emu and told him every thing and he told me not to worry my self again that my husband will come back to me after he has cast a spell on him, i thought it was a joke, after he had finish casting the spell, he told me that he had just finish casting the spell, to my greatest surprise within 48 hours, my husband really came back begging me to forgive him, if you need his help you can contact him with via email: Emutemple@gmail.com or add him up on his whatsapp +2347012841542 is willing to help any body that need his help.
    Website: http://emutemple.website2.me/

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi views did you know there are spell to win love back from an ex. I have done it. I love reading about relationships and how to make them work, how to better the relationship, and how to keep the spark alive, even how to talk to them a certain way to get them to think a different way about the situation and you. If you need advice or want to win your ex back, try this: His WHATSAPP +2348112825421 you can as well message him on the following (adodalovespelltemple440@gmail.com) will change your mentality and get you what you want. visit his website too to on (http://dradodalovetemple.com) to know more about it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. How to have your husband back home with your kids again

    I'm a lady with 2 kids i am from Houston Texa, my husband leave me and his 2 kids for about 10 months i go through a lot of pain i do all i could to make him returned to me and to his kids but nothing works out. it was really a stressful period to me because i could dint go through the heartbreak. i was told to get a love spell doctor contacted to help me out which i did i was lucky to get DR.PEPOKO Contact who was able to help me out, he cast up a love spell that brought back my husband to me and to his kids thanks so much DR. PEPOKO I really appreciate what you have done for me. here he his contact if you may required for it by solving your relationship email. Pepokospiritemple@gmail.com call whatssap +2348156148821
    Here is also Dr. PEPOKO website you can visit it yourself www.pepokospiritemple.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  7. When I found Dr. Paul I was in desperate need of bringing my ex lover back. He left me for another woman. It happened so fast and I had no say in the situation at all. He just dumped me after 3 years with no explanation. I contact Dr.Paul through his website and He told me me what i need to do before he can help me and i did what he told me to, after i provided what he wanted, he cast a love spell to help us get back together. Shortly after he did his spell, my boyfriend started texting me again and felt horrible for what  he just put me through. He said that I was the most important person in his life and he knows that now. We moved in together and he was more open to me than before and then he started spending more time with me  than before. Ever since Dr. Paul helped me, my partner is very stable, faithful and closer to me than before. I highly recommends Dr. Paul to anyone in need of help. Email: astoriashrine@ gmail com, Call him or add him on whatsapp via: +2349051441669         

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi views did you know there are spell to win love back from an ex. I have done it. I love reading about relationships and how to make them work, how to better the relationship, and how to keep the spark alive, even how to talk to them a certain way to get them to think a different way about the situation and you. If you need advice or want to win your ex back, try this: His WHATSAPP +2348112825421 you can as well message him on the following (adodalovespelltemple440@gmail.com) will change your mentality and get you what you want

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  10. A GREAT SPELL CASTER (DR. EMU) THAT HELP ME BRING BACK MY EX GIRLFRIEND.
    Am so happy to testify about a great spell caster that helped me when all hope was lost for me to unite with my ex-girlfriend that I love so much. I had a girlfriend that love me so much but something terrible happen to our relationship one afternoon when her friend that was always trying to get to me was trying to force me to make love to her just because she was been jealous of her friend that i was dating and on the scene my girlfriend just walk in and she thought we had something special doing together, i tried to explain things to her that her friend always do this whenever she is not with me and i always refuse her but i never told her because i did not want the both of them to be enemies to each other but she never believed me. She broke up with me and I tried times without numbers to make her believe me but she never believed me until one day i heard about the DR. EMU and I emailed him and he replied to me so kindly and helped me get back my lovely relationship that was already gone for two months.
    Email him at: Emutemple@gmail.com
    Website: http://emutemple.website2.me/
    Call or Whats-app him: +2347012841542

    ReplyDelete
  11. REAL URGENT EFFECTIVE SPELL CASTER TO HELP BRING BACK EX LOVER AND SAVE MARRIAGE https://doctor0lovespell.wixsite.com/mysite-2
    I want to let the world know about Dr Love0 the Great spell caster that brought back my husband to me when i thought all hope was lost. Dr Love0 used his powerful spell to put a smile on my face by bringing back my man with his spell, at first i thought i was dreaming when my husband came back to me on his knees begging me to forgive him and accept him back and ever since then he loves me more than i ever expected so i made a vow to my self that i will let the World know about Dr Love0 because he is a God on earth. Do you have problems in your relationship ? have your partner broke up with you and you still love and want him back ? Do you have problem with your finance ? or do you need help of any kind then contact Dr Love0 today for i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you just as he helped me. Dr Love0 email:(doctor0lovespell@gmail. com) or visit his website: https://doctor0lovespell.wixsite.com/mysite-2 or contact his FB page: https://www.facebook.com/Lovespellthatworkfastusa also check his blogs: https://doctorlovespell0.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  13. A GREAT SPELL CASTER (DR. EMU) THAT HELP ME BRING BACK MY EX GIRLFRIEND.
    Am so happy to testify about a great spell caster that helped me when all hope was lost for me to unite with my ex-girlfriend that I love so much. I had a girlfriend that love me so much but something terrible happen to our relationship one afternoon when her friend that was always trying to get to me was trying to force me to make love to her just because she was been jealous of her friend that i was dating and on the scene my girlfriend just walk in and she thought we had something special doing together, i tried to explain things to her that her friend always do this whenever she is not with me and i always refuse her but i never told her because i did not want the both of them to be enemies to each other but she never believed me. She broke up with me and I tried times without numbers to make her believe me but she never believed me until one day i heard about the DR. EMU and I emailed him and he replied to me so kindly and helped me get back my lovely relationship that was already gone for two months.
    Email him at: Emutemple@gmail.com  
    Call or Whats-app him: +2347012841542



    ReplyDelete
  14. When I found Dr. Paul I was in desperate need of bringing my ex lover back. He left me for another woman. It happened so fast and I had no say in the situation at all. He just dumped me after 3 years with no explanation. I contact Dr.Paul through his website and He told me me what i need to do before he can help me and i did what he told me to, after i provided what he wanted, he cast a love spell to help us get back together. Shortly after he did his spell, my boyfriend started texting me again and felt horrible for what he just put me through. He said that I was the most important person in his life and he knows that now. We moved in together and he was more open to me than before and then he started spending more time with me than before. Ever since Dr. Paul helped me, my partner is very stable, faithful and closer to me than before. I highly recommends Dr. Paul to anyone in need of help. Email: astoriashrine@ gmail com, Call him or add him on whatsapp via: +2349051441669

    ReplyDelete
  15. A GREAT SPELL CASTER (DR. JUMBA ) THAT HELP ME BRING BACK MY EX.I want to quickly write about a Powerful Love spell Caster that helped me when I had a misunderstanding with my husband which led to Divorce. I contacted this Powerful spell caster called Dr jumba  help and I followed the step that he asked and within 48 hours my husband called me and was eager for my forgiveness and that he wished nothing more than to have me in his arms forever. I am filled with so much joy and happiness that I found Dr jumba  , I hope you all here will find this testimony of mine and get your husband back in just 24 hours. He did a perfect job for me. I am So Happy and Excited because as i am writing this Testimony, My husband is madly in love with me again. If there is anybody Out there who is in Difficulties and need help should kindly Contact Dr jumba on His Email ID : wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com or text him on whatsapp : +19085174108  and he is Ready to Help you no matter the Situation, website : drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com blog : https://wiccaspelltools.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  16. When I found Dr. Paul I was in desperate need of bringing my ex lover back. He left me for another woman. It happened so fast and I had no say in the situation at all. He just dumped me after 3 years with no explanation. I contact Dr.Paul through his website and He told me me what i need to do before he can help me and i did what he told me to, after i provided what he wanted, he cast a love spell to help us get back together. Shortly after he did his spell, my boyfriend started texting me again and felt horrible for what he just put me through. He said that I was the most important person in his life and he knows that now. We moved in together and he was more open to me than before and then he started spending more time with me than before. Ever since Dr. Paul helped me, my partner is very stable, faithful and closer to me than before. I highly recommends Dr. Paul to anyone in need of help. Email: astoriashrine@ gmail com, Call him or add him on whatsapp via: +2349051441669

    ReplyDelete
  17. When I found Dr. Paul I was in desperate need of bringing my ex lover back. He left me for another woman. It happened so fast and I had no say in the situation at all. He just dumped me after 3 years with no explanation. I contact Dr.Paul through his website and He told me me what i need to do before he can help me and i did what he told me to, after i provided what he wanted, he cast a love spell to help us get back together. Shortly after he did his spell, my boyfriend started texting me again and felt horrible for what he just put me through. He said that I was the most important person in his life and he knows that now. We moved in together and he was more open to me than before and then he started spending more time with me than before. Ever since Dr. Paul helped me, my partner is very stable, faithful and closer to me than before. I highly recommends Dr. Paul to anyone in need of help. Email: astoriashrine@ gmail com, Call him or add him on whatsapp via: +2349051441669

    ReplyDelete
  18. When I found Dr. Paul I was in desperate need of bringing my ex lover back. He left me for another woman. It happened so fast and I had no say in the situation at all. He just dumped me after 3 years with no explanation. I contact Dr.Paul through his website and He told me me what i need to do before he can help me and i did what he told me to, after i provided what he wanted, he cast a love spell to help us get back together. Shortly after he did his spell, my boyfriend started texting me again and felt horrible for what he just put me through. He said that I was the most important person in his life and he knows that now. We moved in together and he was more open to me than before and then he started spending more time with me than before. Ever since Dr. Paul helped me, my partner is very stable, faithful and closer to me than before. I highly recommends Dr. Paul to anyone in need of help. Email: astoriashrine@ gmail com, Call him or add him on whatsapp via: +2349051441669

    ReplyDelete
  19. Please visit
    (http://dradodalovetemple.com)
    (https://youtu.be/B279mkEo_C4)
    i am here to give testimony on how this powerful spell caster called Dr Adoda helped me to fix my relationship. i was heartbroken when my fiancee told me he is no longer interested in marrying me because he was having an affair with the other woman where he work. I cried and sobbed every day, until it got so bad that I reached out to the Internet for help, that was when i read a review about the great work of Dr Adoda, then i contacted him for help to get my lover back, he helped me cast a powerful (reconciliation love spell) and to my greatest surprise after 48 hours of doing the love spell my Fiancee came back on his knees begging me to forgive him We are now happily married and all thanks goes to Dr Adoda Wonders for helping me save my relationship you can contact Dr Adoda through his email address: adodalovespelltemple440@gmail.com or WHATSAPP him on +2348112825421.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Good day everybody, My names are Lawrence Jackson, I and my wife are very happy to sharing our great testimonies of our family, The best thing that has ever happened to our family is how we won a lottery, Euro Million Mega Jackpot. I and my wife believe that one day we will win the lottery. Finally our dreams came through when I email Prophet Abulele and tell him I need the lottery numbers. I and my wife have spent so much money on buying ticket just to make sure we win. But we never knew that winning was so easy until the day we meant the great spell caster online which so many people has talked about that he is very genuine in casting lottery spell, . So we decide to give him a try. We contacted this great Prophet Abulele and he did a spell and gave us the winning lottery numbers. But believe me when the draws came out we were among the lucky winners. I and my wife won (£100,000 one hundred thousand Pounds) Prophet Abulele truly you are the best, with your great power Prophet Abulele. You can win millions of money through lottery. We are very happy to meet this great man, I and my family will forever be grateful to you Prophet Abulele, if you are out there looking for his help you can reach him for easy communication on Whatsapp +2349022406159 or email him via his email prophetabulelehealingtemple@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  21. I have been suffering from Herpes for the past 3 years and 8 months, and ever since then i have been taking series of treatment but there was no improvement until i came across testimonies of Dr Sayo on how he has been curing different people from different diseases all over the world, then i contacted him as well. After our conversation he sent me the medicine which i took according to his instructions. When i was done taking the herbal medicine i went for a medical checkup and to my greatest surprise i was cured from Herpes. My heart is so filled with joy. If you are suffering from Herpes or any other disease you can contact Dr Sayo today on this Email address: (sayoherbalhealer@gmail.com) or WhatsApp him on this Number +2349012175679 Visit his FB page: https://www.facebook.com/Sayo-Herbal-Healer-100145798345000/    also visit website: http://sayoherbalhealinghome.com/ or check blogs: https://naturerootandherbscures.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  23. i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went to Africa in November last year on a business summit i meet a man called Dr Mkuru, Is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love s gone misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job i m now happy & a living testimony because the man i had wanted to marry left me 4weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down because our relationship has been on for 3 year i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him at first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try and in 6 days when i returned to taxes my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married i didnt believe it because the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help his email address: (dr.baba.mkurulovespellcaster@gmail.com) or you can call him /whatsApp +2349075998982, His website: https://drmkuruonlinespellcaster.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  24. I'm here to testify about the great work Dr Iyoha did for me. I have been suffering from (HERPES) disease for the past 3 years and had constant pain, especially in my knees. During the first year,I had faith in God that i would be healed someday.This disease started circulating all over my body and i have been taking treatment from my doctor, few weeks ago i came across a testimony of someone on the internet testifying about a Man called Dr Iyoha on how he cured her from Herpes Simplex Virus. And she also gave the email address of this man and advise anybody to contact him for help for any kind of sickness that he would be of help, so I emailed him telling him about my (HERPES Virus) he told me not to worry that i was going to be cured!! Well i never believed it, well after all the procedures and remedy given to me by this man which i take for 3 week,few months later i started experiencing changes all over me as Dr Iyoha assured me that i will be cured,after some time i went to my doctor to confirmed if i have be finally healed behold it was TRUE, So friends my advise is if you have such sickness or any other at all you can contact Dr Iyoha via email driyohasolutiontemple@yahoo.com. You can also call his telephone number on +1 407 337 9869. Thanks once again Dr Iyoha ...

    ReplyDelete
  25. I am so happy to share this fantastic testimony of mine. My life has changed completely in 48hours. I can see myself in the mirror and smile. I have confidence in myself and my abilities for the first time in ages. I have my husband back in my life with the help of Dr Oniha. He said sorry after 24hours, after the spell was created. He said he realized that he never really wanted to break up; he could not handle the emotional baggage I was carrying around all the time. He said that he thought he was the negative influence in my life and thought it best to leave. He said it was hard that I kept talking about the past all the time. We have both forgiven each other. I have money in my pocket that is my own at last. (My compensation cheque came through and I was told it was months away. I am living proof of what Dr Oniha can do. I thank you so much Dr Oniha for the wonderful thing you did in my marriage. I am so happy now. With your help we were both able to see and speak the truth to each other. I never thought a spell could help a couple before I am very pleased to contact you and initiate all this to happen. Anyone who has a relationship problem can contact Dr Oniha.
    Email: info@onihaspell.com Or onihaspelltemple@gmail.com
    Call/Whatsapp number: +16692213962
    Website: http://onihaspells.com.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I am so happy to share this fantastic testimony of mine. My life has changed completely in 48hours. I can see myself in the mirror and smile. I have confidence in myself and my abilities for the first time in ages. I have my husband back in my life with the help of Dr Oniha. He said sorry after 24hours, after the spell was created. He said he realized that he never really wanted to break up; he could not handle the emotional baggage I was carrying around all the time. He said that he thought he was the negative influence in my life and thought it best to leave. He said it was hard that I kept talking about the past all the time. We have both forgiven each other. I have money in my pocket that is my own at last. (My compensation cheque came through and I was told it was months away. I am living proof of what Dr Oniha can do. I thank you so much Dr Oniha for the wonderful thing you did in my marriage. I am so happy now. With your help we were both able to see and speak the truth to each other. I never thought a spell could help a couple before I am very pleased to contact you and initiate all this to happen. Anyone who has a relationship problem can contact Dr Oniha.
    Email: info@onihaspell.com Or onihaspelltemple@gmail.com
    Call/Whatsapp number: +16692213962
    Website: http://onihaspells.com.

    ReplyDelete
  27. A spell caster call Dr Ajayi helped me to get back my husband after 2 years of separation due to misunderstanding and i begged him on several occasion to come back home to be with me and our three kids but refuse instead staying with another woman who i believe is manipulating him. I saw a testimony about the spell caster Dr Ajayi while searching for help online who explained how he helped her to get her brother out of prison after performing a pardon spell for her, i really want my husband to come back home, so i text the spell caster on WhatsApp : +2347084887094 and told me what needed to be done, i followed all instructions and today i am to also share my testimony because my husband came back home three days after Dr Ajayi performed a spell for him to come back home, we are living happily now. I was having doubts but now i have doubts no more because the all the Spell Caster told me what happened as he explained to me, so if you need the help of a spell caster for any kind of problem you are facing in life contact Dr Ajayi email : drajayi1990@gmail.com or WhatsApp : +2347084887094.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I am out here to spread this good news to entire world on how I got my ex husband back.I was going crazy when my husband left me and my two kids for another woman last month, But after my friend introduced me to Dr Kala the great messenger of Kala healing home,I narrated my problem to him about how my ex Husband left me and my two kids.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect. He told me what he need from me to cast the spell and i provide if for him and he told me to wait after 24hrs my husband is going to give me a call. To my greatest surprise my husband called me on the phone and was begging for forgiveness for living me and the kids and he came back home for good.I am so happy and overwhelmed that my husband is back to me and i have to tell this to the entire world to let anyone out there who is having marriage and relationship issues to contact Dr Kala on his personal email: kalalovespell@gmail.com or WhatsApp him on +2347051705853 and get all your problem solve. No problem is too big for him to solve.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I am out here to spread this good news to entire world on how I got my ex husband back.I was going crazy when my husband left me and my two kids for another woman last month, But after my friend introduced me to Dr Kala the great messenger of Kala healing home,I narrated my problem to him about how my ex Husband left me and my two kids.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect. He told me what he need from me to cast the spell and i provide if for him and he told me to wait after 24hrs my husband is going to give me a call. To my greatest surprise my husband called me on the phone and was begging for forgiveness for living me and the kids and he came back home for good.I am so happy and overwhelmed that my husband is back to me and i have to tell this to the entire world to let anyone out there who is having marriage and relationship issues to contact Dr Kala on his personal email: kalalovespell@gmail.com or WhatsApp him on +2347051705853 and get all your problem solve. No problem is too big for him to solve.

    ReplyDelete


  30. How I Got My Husband Back..........
    THE BEST WAY TO Win And Get Your Ex HUSBAND WITH THE HELP OF PROPHET OYINBO POWERFUL AND URGENT LOVE SPELL WITH 100% GUARANTEE My husband abandon me for the the past months now, and refuse to come back because he was hold on by a woman whom he just met, for that, i has been suffering and it has been heel of a struggle, but I decide to do all means to make sure that my husband and i come back together as it use to, then I went online there I saw so many good talk about this spell caster whose email is prophetoyinbojesus@gmail.com so I had to contact him and explain my problem to him and in just 48 hours as he has promised, my husband came home and his behavior was back to the man i got married to. I cant thank the spell caster enough for what he did for me, i am so grateful and i will never stop to publish his name on the internet for the good work he has done for me,once again his email him direct..prophetoyinbojesus@gmail.com or Call/WhatsApp:+2348074066640

    ReplyDelete

  31. Herpes can be treated and cured permanently but only few believe it,,
    but I was among those who never believed it until doctor Williams
    cured me of herpes, I had HSV for two years and it was eating me up
    one day I found a testimony of someone testifying to the great work of
    Dr Williams who cured him of HIV, I was thinking since this man can
    cure HIV then he must be able to cure Herpes and to my greatest
    surprise he really cured me of Herpes, Contact this great herbal
    doctor via: Email @ drwilliamscure@gmail.com Whats App/ call
    +2347040461868 today to get your cure.
    https://drwilliamscure.wixsite.com/herbalhome

    ReplyDelete
  32. CONTACT DOCTOR KAYODE FOR A POWERFUL SPELL TO HELP YOU GET YOUR EX LOVER BACK NO MATTER HOW LONG YOU BROKE UP OR WHOM HE/SHE MAY BE WITH NOW DR KAYODE WILL HELP YOU GET THEM BACK CONTACT VIA WHATSAPP :(+2348105366020)EMAIL : (Kayodejoseph896@gmail.com)

    I am very happy today with my family. My name IS Angela, living in USA, My husband left me for good one year, and i love him so much, i have been looking for a way to get him back since then. i have tried many options it didn't work out until i met a friend that introduce me to DR KAYODE a spell caster, who helped me bring back my husband after 2 days. Me and my husband are living happily together today, That man is great, you can contact him via Email : (Kayodejoseph896@gmail.com). Now i will advice any serious persons that found themselves in this kind of problem to contact him now a fast solution without stress.. , now i call him my father.contact him now he is always online WHATSAPP (+2348105366020)....

    ReplyDelete
  33. CONTACT DOCTOR KAYODE FOR A POWERFUL SPELL TO HELP YOU GET YOUR EX LOVER BACK NO MATTER HOW LONG YOU BROKE UP OR WHOM HE/SHE MAY BE WITH NOW DR KAYODE WILL HELP YOU GET THEM BACK CONTACT VIA WHATSAPP :(+2348105366020)EMAIL : (Kayodejoseph896@gmail.com)

    I am very happy today with my family. My name IS Angela, living in USA, My husband left me for good one year, and i love him so much, i have been looking for a way to get him back since then. i have tried many options it didn't work out until i met a friend that introduce me to DR KAYODE a spell caster, who helped me bring back my husband after 2 days. Me and my husband are living happily together today, That man is great, you can contact him via Email : (Kayodejoseph896@gmail.com). Now i will advice any serious persons that found themselves in this kind of problem to contact him now a fast solution without stress.. , now i call him my father.contact him now he is always online WHATSAPP (+2348105366020)....

    ReplyDelete
  34. TESTIMONY ON HOW I GOT MY LOAN FROM A GENUINE FINANCE COMPANY LAST WEEK. Email for immediate response: drbenjaminfinance@gmail.com

    I am Mrs,Leores Jazbel by name, I live in United State Of America, who have been a scam victim to so many fake lenders online between November last year till July this year but i thank my creator so much that he has finally smiled on me by directing me to this new lender who put a smile on my face this year 2020 and he did not scam me and also by not deceiving or lying to me and my friends but however this lending firm is BENJAMIN LOAN INVESTMENTS FINANCE (drbenjaminfinance@gmail.com) gave me 2% loan which amount is $900,000.00 united states dollars after my agreement to their company terms and conditions and one significant thing i love about this loan company is that they are fast and unique. {Dr.Benjamin Scarlet Owen} can also help you with a legit loan offer. He Has also helped some other colleagues of mine. If you need a genuine loan without cost/stress he his the right loan lender to wipe away your financial problems and crisis today. BENJAMIN LOAN INVESTMENTS FINANCE holds all of the information about how to obtain money quickly and painlessly via Call/Text: +1(415)630-7138 Email: drbenjaminfinance@gmail.com

    When it comes to financial crisis and loan then BENJAMIN LOAN INVESTMENTS FINANCE is the place to go please just tell him I Mrs. Leores Jazbel direct you Good Luck.......................

    ReplyDelete