Monday, April 30, 2012

What I Would Do Differently

Many people are afraid to share their feelings. Afraid of saying something stupid, afraid of ridicule or judgement. Exposing feelings feels too scary, or vulnerable, so inside your heart they stay. It's safer to keep them inside...Right?

Keeping feelings inside is not easier for me. It physically hurts. Love, hate, fear, anger, passion, appreciation, joy. I must get them out. Keeping them inside is not even an option for me. I learned this 35 years ago when I was 3-years old. My 7 year-old brother Doug was hit by a car and he died.

It's not through Doug's death, but through his sweet and short life that I have learned a powerful message I will carry with me for always. It was then I learned that if you love someone, you better tell the world. Live for today. 




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I still have memories of him in pictures in my mind.

My Dad wrote an article in the Financial Freedom Report Quarterly- For the Real Estate Entrepreneur 16 years ago in the Fall of 1996. It was called, "What I would Do Differently".

Even now as I transcribe his words, I can't help but cry out loud as I type. And now that I am a parent they hurt me deeper than I can bear to imagine. I want this article to help you look around right now and recognize that you may just have everything you've ever wanted right in front of your eyes, but you may not know it.



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This teether and walks with Momma makes him happy.

I want to help you know it, so I share these words because they help me to be a better parent. They help me remember that each moment counts




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They help me to remember that even when the day is hard, and I am tired- that I am blissfully lucky...

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They help me remember that I really don't care that my son has autism, because I am just so lucky to have my son.



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What I Would Do Differently
The first thing I would do differently relates more to a lifestyle than to a particular way of doing business. Back in 1977, I was working hard at the local utility company. I was a supervisor in the maintenance department. I was busy pursuing my dream of becoming financially independent in real estate and I was seldom home. At that time, I had a young son and daughter. I always imagined that someday I would put my arm around my son, and I would say, "This is the reason you haven't seen much of me. This is where I've been, and now this is all for you. I've had a great time putting it together, and I want you to know that the American Dream is real."


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Happy at Home... Doug, Dad and Me.

I remember coming home one day. It was a snowy day, and there were police on the road. They had some measuring tapes out, and I remember thinking that there must have been an accident. I looked around for the car. There wasn't one. I realized that somebody must have been hit.

I pulled into my driveway. There was a stranger there. He said, "Your son Douglas has been hit, Mr. Pratt. They've taken him to the hospital." I rushed up there. My wife was in the waiting room surrounded by friends. They ushered me into the emergency room. My son lay there, not a bruise on him, but unconscious.

Douglas was seven years old. At two o'clock that next morning I walked out of the hospital down a dimly lit corridor, and all I had left of my son was clear plastic bag with his blue jeans, tennis shoes, Cardinal baseball cap and jacket.

I had the feeling that the Lord had given me a present, and seven years later, he took it back because I hadn't opened it.

I have had many, many blessings in my life, but when Douglas died, I went crazy. I hadn't gone to most of his ball games. Occasionally he'd come with me to a property. It was really kind of cute-- he had a little tool pouch. I know that just before he was killed, I suddenly realized that I had a shadow. Douglas had finally reached the age where he had discovered his Dad. I could see that he was demanding more of me. But the fact is, there were so many moments...so many memories that I don't have.

My advice to people is to avoid making the same mistake of thinking that business is so important that you don't spend time with your family. The greatest gift that we have is our time and ourselves. We should give ourselves to our families. We mustn't get so consumed by making money that we lost sight of what's really important in life.

The American Dream is still alive and well. You can achieve financial independence through real estate investing. Just make sure that when you get there, your successes are not bitter-sweet.

24 comments:

  1. Tears are a rolling and this is the big check we all need to be reminded of each day. Thank you for sharing. You and your family have weathered some tough times that I cannot even imagine the heartache you each have endured. Your wisdom is true and genuine. I can also see where Chrissy gets her writing touch from!

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  2. Words are powerful and the message here is very clear. Thank you for sharing your words and your Dad's. Hugs

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  3. I read this over my first cup of coffee this morning and the tears rolled...life is so brief, the magical moments pass so quickly, and we are so apt to let the negative moments be bigger than the positive. The balance between living to work and working to live is a constant struggle. I'm grateful for the opportunity to read your words and your dads Chrissy, and to share them out to the world over and over again!

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  4. Beautiful post my heart aches for your dad reading that. Always a great reminder of what life is about the relationships we have and create. I know your dad will see your brother again and be able to spend every moment with him. Thank you for sharing much love to you and your family!

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  5. I never got a chance to meet Doug, but I'm positive we would have gotten along famously. Your words remind me to cherish the gifts that I've been given, and what amazing, wonderful gifts they are.
    Thanks Dad,
    Michael

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  6. Mr. Pratt, thank you for sharing the story. You have a powerful message for anyone who loves anyone. And you have an amazing daughter and son-in-law and two amazing grandsons. Thank you for sharing.

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  7. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Your words are so important. They help me remember what I have and be thankfull and enjoy every moment. Chrissy your blog has helped me in these first six months as a new mom. Thank you for sharing you life with us.

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  8. Such a powerful post... Absolutely beautiful.

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  9. What a well written heartfelt thougt.It makes me sad for the things I have missed with my children as a working mother,but, then I also think that in some ways it made my kids stronger and independent too. I will always be thankful for every minute I am able to have spent with them- the good and the bad!! Thank you Chrissy for sharing your Dad and your moments. It is a great reminder to us all to cherish life!

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  10. Your words are so wise, and you with no doubt have such a gift of writing. Every week after I read your words I renember to live for today, enjoy the chaotic drama, and try not sweat the small stuff, which is hard for any Momma....you make me feel more connected abd grateful for all the mayhem we all encounter. I am thankful Lisa shared your story! For what your family endured...your family came out shining. The loss of a child I hear is the hardest...Thanks for sharing.

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  11. I honestly have no words......thank you so much both Chrissy and Chrissy's daddy for sharing these words. What a huge impact they are having on me and others I am sure! I cannot even wrap my head around what your family has been through. HUGS!!!!

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  12. Beautiful. Thank you for helping us to cherish this crazy, intense time with small children. I know we will look back fondly on all of it, so best to make the most of it right now while we can. I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain you have had to endure x

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  13. I have had so many people tell me that someday I will miss this time in my life. The insane, crazy, ridiculousness of everyday life. The rushing home from work to get them to t-ball, gymnastics, lacrosse, daisy meetings..... I thank your dad for the reminder that I will someday miss these times....and that time is precious. Thank you.

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  14. Beautiful post. Such simple words, but a message that is often lost and swallowed up by the mundane tasks of every day life.

    Mr. Pratt,

    I have had the pleasure and good fortune of meeting your magnificent daughter. She SPARKLES. She breaths life in to her every day interactions. You raised her, and you should be proud.

    Through this blog she shared your words and thoughts from nearly 20 years ago. Those same words impacted my husband to take 2 weeks off work and simply PLUG in. He understands with greater magnitude the importance of OPENING the gift the lord has given him. Thank you for sharing. The message was not lost on us, and our family has been positively affected.

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  15. I love that you shared this! I had never read that article and it's so true. We have to take the time to cherish our family and appreciate what we have. I appreciate your blog, our loving family and our amazing kiddies running around all over this world. I wish we all lived closer. Thank you Chrissy and Dad for writing these words, and sharing this story. Sometimes we forgot to stop and enjoy the moment.

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  16. Mr. Pratt-I love the analogy, "I had the feeling that the Lord had given me a present, and seven years later, he took it back because I hadn't opened it". That's when the tears came-because even if it's not our children, we have all been given gifts from God that we have yet to open. Thank you both for the reminder.

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  17. This has me bawling, Chrissy. What a sad story and yet I'm grateful for the words. Much love to you and your family.

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  18. I read this article a few years ago and its effect is still the same, tears and emotions, but now for a family that I feel I have come to know from reading your blog. Which makes the message and story even more powerful. Daughter and father both have a message to share and a gift for sharing. God Bless you Both and your family.

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  19. Chrissy,
    16 years ago I lost my brother, his name was Doug. He was 4 years older than me and his 36th birthday would have been on the 26th of this month. Reading this post brought back a lot of those emotions (not that they ever went away). Simply put, losing a brother sucks, I'm sorry that you have experienced that, that you missed out on more time with him, more memories, that your boys didn't get to meet him, I'm sorry. My heart aches for you, he was only 7, but he will always be your big brother, that will never change. I have also learned to not hide my feelings, life is too short and unpredictable to let things go unsaid. I now know we share a connection that I didn't know we had. I love you friend.

    -Mona @ Lassen's

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  20. Beautiful, heartfelt & moving. A balancing act all parents attempt, not always well. Today I will hug him tighter and love him my best (my little). And pray tonight I have the chance to try again tomorrow. Thank you for sharing this. Jennifer

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  21. So touching. I will hug those I love a little tighter today in your honor.

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  22. wow. I am so sorry for this immense loss your family experienced. life is such an incredible gift even as it is brimming with imperfections and chaos. thank you for your words as always.

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  23. Thanks for sharing dad's article, Chrissy. I know it's easy for life to go by because you're too busy working. I'm glad that we've kept the close relationship that we've had over the years within our family. I love you guys.

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