The more accepting we are of others choices- the more evolved we are as a Universe.
We have to do what works for us, while remaining accepting of the things that don't work for us- but maybe work for others.
I think being a working mom is the hardest job in the world. Constant juggling and guilt. Kicking like mad to stay afloat... Constant rushing and attempting to fit 10 lbs of potatoes in a 5 lb sack. (That's what my mom used to say to me when my underwear looked too small- but it still works here- right?) Whether you want to work or have to- I applaud you and celebrate you. Either way it's a hard gig.
I'm so incredibly grateful to be in the position I am in. I grateful to stay at home with the kids. I would go back to work tomorrow if I wanted to...That being said- staying at home often drives me CRAZY...batshit crazy. Sometimes I feel like I'm in the Big Brother household and I don't know what's real and what isn't.
I'm insanely happy. No I'm not! I'm pulling out my hair!!!
Grey is perfection. He is so adorable. No he isn't! He was put on earth to torture me.
This is the best job on earth. THIS IS A TERRIBLE MIND GAME. I want to escape.
I'm so isolated and alone. I'm so busy and so bored all at once!
I love that I can wear work out clothes every day. LIES!!! I hate always being a slob! I miss wearing real clothes and blow-drying my hair and wearing make-up!
I'm crazy about them! NO!!!THEY MAKE ME CRAZY!!!
Some days I don't even know what I know...and I certainly don't know what I like anymore.
But one day- this neediness will be over and I will have absolutely no idea what to do with myself. Yesterday morning Parker's therapist called in sick for his morning session. Greyson was at typical preschool. We were totally free and I had absolutely no idea what to do with myself...
I should work out. No! Go to the mall...Actually, you really need to go to the grocery store. Don't be selfish- Why don't you spend this time doing something that would make Parker happy?I know- go to Disney Land! Oh wait- that's too far...
It got to the point that I was scared to make a decision or leave the house. I sat on the couch twitching.I felt like the prisoners in the movie the Shawshank Redemption- maybe prison was easier because everything had to be decided for you... I've been on the inside so long doing therapy with the boys that I sometimes have no idea how things work on the outside...
Be careful- I'm going to get them a drum set- is a standard joke made to other parents. And I can honestly say- (after only like 36 hours and it's only a little mini one) that I love its very presence in our life. It's the greatest thing ever. It's the last thing Greyson does before he falls asleep at night and the first thing he does when he wakes up in the morning...
I can't remember the last time I loved something that much...
And if I can't find Grey- I just go to where the drums are...
And if I can't find him and he's had at least 48 seconds to himself?
Naked drumming... Yep- his little slice of heaven....
Drums I can handle... But this game is going to be the death of me... It's on...alllll daaaaayyyy loooongggg....
chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp
chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp
The penguins chirp and slide down the track...
One day while our house is filled with therapists I will just lose it....
TURN IT OFF!!!! Off!!!!! Turn the fricking thing off. I can't handle it anymore!!! I HATE those fricking penguins!!!! GET IT OUT OF HERE!!! I will scream while angry crying...
But it's a great reinforcer for Greyson during therapy. And he loves it. sigh...so in my life it stays... He is willing to complete the tasks that he doesn't want to do so he can play with The (damned) Penguin Race after.
Greyson- 4 more questions- then you can play with penguins...
Some days are hard-hard.. Some days are funny-hard... Some days aren't hard at all.
Olympic Gymnastic Gold Medalist Gabby Douglas said Hard days are the best because that’s where champions are made. (thanks for the quote, JD!) Brilliant... I remember that when Grey is having a rough day... It's just him becoming a champion...
I remember that for me too...
Have a great day...
Love,
Chrissy
PS- Excitement is in the air... can you feel it?
OH! Sweet mama! I am sooooo excited for you. I saw G's post this morning and it feels like Christmas. Congratulations <3
ReplyDeleteNaked Drumming? Rock on lil Grey :)
Love & happiness to you sweet mama. ENJOY this today :) xoxo Jennifer
i can totally relate to the loving it and hating it, the indecisiveness with free time, the lack of any fashion... basically most days i'm wearing rags. RAGS. i'll just call it momnotony. but it's important work we are doing, ALL of us. susan from PA
ReplyDeleteI so love your blog and your honesty! So many posts resonate with me. I could have written this one myself after becoming a SAHM about 3 months ago - after working full time. My little guys are 16 months and 2 and 1/2. I love being with them but some days are just plain HARD! So much so that I sometimes wonder if I should back to work for all of our sanity. But you remind me that its just one day, and that they are only little once. I dust myself off and get up and start fresh the next day. Thank you for being real! Oh - and we have that Penguin Race toy too. It's currently tucked away in our basement. :) That thing will drive you crazy! Ha, ha....
ReplyDeleteI love that I have just discovered you! And the timing is perfect. I so very much relate. About the penguins and drums... I just discovered this week that it's the high pitch noises that drive me insane. "Bang away all you want on those drums boy, but I can't say what I'll do to you if you keep up that whistling!" We all have such different triggers.
ReplyDeleteAnd I just read this quote yesterday which totally reminds me of your strength quote above: "Experiencing this pain in my muscles and aching and going on and on is my challenge. The last three or four reps is what makes the muscles grow. This area of pain divides a champion from someone who is not a champion. That's what most people lack, having the guts to go on and just say they'll go through the pain no matter what happens. I have no fear of fainting. I do squats until I fall over and pass out. So what? It's not going to kill me. I wake up five minutes later and I'm OK. A lot of other athletes are afraid of this. So they don't pass out. They don't go on." - Arnold Schwarzenegger
I'm devouring your blog. Thank you.
ha ha ha ha!!! naked drumming! That is the best thing I've seen all week! Good for Greyson! My husband is so so excited to get a drum set for the boys and after reading this today...so am I. =)
ReplyDelete