lucky

Most days I am begging God to make time go faster... Especially between the hours of 4:30-7:30pm...I'm counting down the minutes until they are in bed and I am alone...And then I look through my pictures...



And suddenly I am begging time to slow down... God must be so confused.

People who want to leave this world a better place are awesome. I'm selfish though- I want the world to be a better place while I'm still here. That's part of the reason I'm so happy you are here listening...I want to shed a light on Autism and anyone that feels different...If I can make one world better than I am happy. So far this place has made our world overflow with love and support and acceptance. It has certainly made our world a better place.

I've had numerous signs from the universe that I am no longer young or hip. I'm certain once upon a time I was at least one of those. The other day Grey's therapist mentioned that we didn't have any turn taking games. They are great tools to teach Greyson how to interact with others, how to play games and how to wait your turn. No turn taking games?! I can fix that! I love love love problems that I can actually fix! And last night I excitedly searched Amazon for appropriate games. Why buy one turn taking game when you can get four!?




Buying games from Amazon suddenly made me feel like I was retail therapy-ing AND kicking autism's butt in one fell swoop. As a Mom- being able to find ways to help is the greatest feeling in the World-- because there are so many moments...so many times there's nothing you can do and it can feel paralyzing.

And today I was so excited- waiting and checking to see if our package had shipped yet. It's like these games are Manalo Blahniks and I'm Carrie Bradshaw.

So not hip.

Today I picked up the boys from therapy and on the way home a song came on. An incredibly annoying song with a constant repetition of chorus.

We're up all night to get ugly.
We're up all night to get...ugly?

Is that really what they are saying? So I turned up the radio to listen harder and it hit me.

We're up all night to get lucky.

They kept saying over and over again...

Woah- I'm pretty certain my 20-something self would have detested this song but this 30-something girl finds it HILARIOUS. Up all night to get lucky? That's impossible- because the very definition of getting lucky is sleeping all night uninterrupted- therefore it's just not possible to be up all night and to get lucky all at the same time.

My song would be something like:

I'm up all night because Michael's snoring. 
I'm up all night because Greyson doesn't want to sleep in his own bed. 
I'm up all night because Jack the dog wants to go outside. 
I'm up all night because Belle the dog needs a drink of water.

Not very catchy of a jingle though- is it? Ill stick to taking pictures.

The Moms who write those - Don't miss out on their childhood by being on your phone pieces clearly never tried to poop train their toddler. It's excruciating.




Greyson is poo-dini. The second he feels the inkling of a poo he's hiding and gone. My first thought is usually- ahhhh- it's so quiet and relaxing at this moment- and my second thought is- OH NO WHERE IS GREYSON?!!! 

So now when he first disappears- I bust him before any secret pooping can happen and I bring him to the bathroom...


I've spent so many accumulated hours waiting.



Sitting on the floor...waiting...  All of us...





The 4 of us...waiting... Me, Greyson, Parker and the pig... Sometimes Belle the dog comes in and waits too.

I keep the piggy bank in there so Greyson can put coins in to pass the time...keeping his hands and mind occupied...


I'm like a (terrible) master negotiator in the FBI.

If you go poo poo in toilet we can go in car.
If you go poo poo I'll give you a whole chocolate bar.
If you go poo poo in toilet we can go to pool!

His eyes flashed light for just an instant - pool he repeated.

Ah ha!!! I found his weakness. The pool...OK- You go poo poo- We go to pool!!! First poo poo- Then pool.

And then for what felt like years I waited and barked out orders...

Stop flushing the toilet
No touch wiener
Go poo poo
Leave toilet paper alone
Stop flushing
First poo poo then flush
First poo poo then pool
Hands off butt
No more flush


And I waited...and waited and waited...


And nothing...

So we decided to go to the damn pool regardless...



And I changed my battle from- Poo poo in toilet to --Pants on at pool... I was finally ready to fight that one... I needed to redeem my ego...




And it was such a relief to be out of that bathroom that I didn't care that I never heard that melodic plop in the water...


Plus he was happy...Which usually means so am I...





I caught him numerous times- trying to unrobe...


PANTS ON!!! I'd yell out...Thrilled with myself for catching him...

And while I was diligently policing Greyson...







Opps...It might just have to be a whole naked Summer...




Greyson exploring shadows and the sun...Fascinated.

Poo'ing in the toilet is serious business to that gal waiting on the bathroom floor. Sometimes she takes it all so seriously... And the girl staring at the screen now can't help but sigh and smile... There will always be a phase to get past... A phase in life, centered around children or self... I guess we are lucky that way- it means we are alive.

And although I suspect he was not talking about poo-training-- Sigmund Freud said, One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.

Swish that thought around about your Life... It's true.

Much Love,

Chrissy

the human condition

I had a list of lofty goals for the day that quickly turned into only three...

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night with the full on flu... What in the hell is the flu doing around in practically June?  It's so not right. Thankfully I think it's only a 24 hour deal.

Sometimes it scares me how much I am needed...I remember a moment with a brand new baby Parker- nursing him every hour. Greyson still had the same needs and demands... Add to that a husband and a house and a sweaty, leaky, squishy-stomached Mom. Nothing fit right- including my new life and I was overwhelmed and exhausted.  I longed for a time I wasn't so incredibly needed...

Today I stayed in bed for much of the morning and afternoon- Feeling drunk and dizzy and with an unbearable caffeine withdrawal headache. I couldn't take Greyson to preschool...I couldn't work with Parker during his morning therapy...or take him to speech.... I couldn't make lunch or dinner or do any of the things I usually do. My house is messy. We are out of hot dogs. And despite all of these travesties- today the World still rotated around and around. (Thanks for the help today Michael and Victoria!!!)



YOU ARE HERE Friend...And so am I... That thought gives me comfort.

And this evening I am left with the overall realization that it's good to be needed. I actually need to be needed. In fact, it is hard to not be needed- so I snuck out a few times to check in today. Every noise had me peaking my head out of my bedroom door. What's going on out there? Is everything OK? 


And I would sneak down for a few cuddles before going back up to my room.  Naked TV watching is alright when it's right before naked bath time.

Sometimes it helps to take a step back from life to realize how great it really is. Just regular old every day life.







Grey during afternoon therapy.

My Goals Today:

• Breath, drink and eat something

• Rest

• Memorize the state fish of Hawaii --I don't know why- I've just always wanted to...And PS-it is humuhumunukunukuāpuaʻa (it's pronounced HOO-moo-HOO-moo-NOO-koo-NOO-koo-AH-poo-AH-ah).

My ears and my shoulders are best friends...They always try to hang out together... I thought it was a Chrissy thing -but I think it is a woman thing...The more stressed I get the more they try to hang out. I was in spin class a few weeks ago and the instructor called out- Relax your shoulders! And the woman in front of me said- I feel like she's talking specifically to me. And then the woman on either side of her said- Me too- Me too! and I laughed because I was certain it was me she was signaling out. We think we are isolated in many of our thoughts and imperfections- but we really are often quite very the same.

I was watching a special 250th episode of Inside the Actors studio during my being needed hiatus today... The host, James Lipton has an innate gift of helping others strip down to their true self...Like naked time but with your clothes on... Lipton said that 3/4 of all the actors he has interviewed came from a broken home- either from divorce or the death of a Parent. And behind those stories was so much sadness... It felt good to watch it and cry... I think Acting is simply the conveying of emotion that is already inside us. It reminded me that so much beauty is born from sadness. I think the more we share our sadness the more others can connect and relate. It takes so much of the lonely away. 

I've also seen the flip side. People who actually store their sadness instead of sharing it. People who don't want to bother people with their problems or who don't want to appear as imperfect as they really feel. People who do not share their truth feel lonelier than anyone. I think ultimately the storing up of sadness is one of the greatest tragedies known to humans. On the flip side, I think the sharing of sadness is one of the greatest gifts.

I think it's all part of The human condition. Wanting to relate and be understood. I've heard that said a million times and I didn't know it was a real thing- The Human Condition. Did you?... The human condition encompasses the unique features of being human. It can be described as the irreducible part of humanity that is inherent and not dependent on factors such as gender, race or class. It includes concerns such as the meaning of life, the search for gratification, the sense of curiosity, the inevitability of isolation, or awareness regarding the inescapability of death.

I'm happy I get to be human with you.  Stop by Life with Greyson + Parker Facebook page and say hello. It makes me feel more human.


Time to go accomplish more of goal #2.

Have a great one...


Love,
Chrissy

Slippery

It was a glass all empty kind of morning.

We all seemed to be in the sludge of slow motion.

Happy was no where to be found.  It felt like Monday all day long. And that's a slippery slope... Feeling bad trickles over to others and then allows you to look for more things that are bad so you can prove your case.

Greyson and I were on the same page...



Even Parker...



I went to physical therapy and gave it my all this morning...and my all was little...tiny...38% in fact. Let's just say my all felt very pathetic.  And I couldn't shake the funk... And about 6pm I realized I hadn't had a bite to eat all day and I realized suddenly I've been achey and funky all day long- Ah ha! I'm sick. And suddenly I felt instantly better about myself and my Life.


Moms can't be sick. It's just not in the contract- it's why we get the big bucks and constant kudos...So today I Mom'ed without question. Luckily the husband gladly took both kiddos off my hands after work and now I am talking to you...alone in my bed in my pajamas at 7pm. I don't see pearly gates but I'm pretty sure I'm in Heaven.

I can't deal with unhappy, unhopeful, cranky for no reason -Mom for too long...However I can offer sympathy to sick Mom. As long as she is gone by tomorrow.

It makes sense- Two of Grey's teachers got sick last week and I spent some time with them- and over the weekend we had our very first parental experience called- Child projectile vomiting in the car (Greyson).. No- I don't have pictures of that one... You're welcome. He was completely better by the next day. I am hopeful.

And today was terrible... I thought- but now I look over pictures and realize it was actually far from bad... And I silently Thank God for my love of photograpy because it helps the hope and happy and love and strength rise to the top like cream. It reminds me that Life is good exceptional...even when it isn't.


This evening is warm and breezy and temperatures barely skimmed 80. Perfect.





When Greyson was two I would try to read him books and sing him songs. He hated it. I thought I must be doing it wrong- but it all made sense when we realized he was on the autism spectrum. It was a social interaction that wasn't meaningful for Grey. I assumed all Spectrum kids didn't like books or songs but Parker showed me that isn't the case.  Homeboy loves when we sing. And singing Slippery Fish to Parker is currently my favorite past time in the Universe.







The therapy Parker gets now helps bring that out of him...it was always there waiting to be uncovered.









And the lyrics for your singing pleasure...









Greyson has been learning to ride his tricycle and bike for almost a year now. On most days while his therapists are here they practice. Today I watched him do it on his own and I was so proud.





I usually wouldn't make him wear a helmet for a tricycle- but the therapists do it so Greyson could get used to the helmet and so he associates it with riding a bike.

I wish more people - including me- could have Grey's ability to keep trying... Even when you don't get it...keep trying...even when you screw up and you don't even like it in the first place...

Keep trying...



Yep- He's a pretty smart little guy...


Time to rest up. Have a great day.

Love,
Chrissy

discovery

When I was in grade school I thought it was important to fit in. Do, buy and say what the popular kids were doing buying and saying. I wasn't that great at it- Popular. I didn't ever really feel like I found my people.


In high school I thought it was important to go with the flow. Not stand out. Drink and have fun...but I actually didn't like drinking- and I didn't love going to parties where the parents were out of town either...but I knew that's what I was supposed to do- so I did...and because of that- I really wasn't true to myself. I always kind of felt like the 65 year old 17 year old.

In college, I thought it was important to work hard and look a certain way and weigh a certain amount. I knew full throttle or nothing at all. It took so much energy and so much work. Many days it was all I worked toward...perfection... I wanted to graduate and get a certain job that sounded a certain way...and so I did...and I was happy... kind of.

When I became a Mom I thought it was important to dress a certain more mature mom way. I thought it was important to have a more mom of a hair style.



Talk a certain mom way with sentences that were free of curses. I thought it was important to buy the best foods and toys and stuff for Grey- and be the best for Grey. And being the best takes more energy than I could ever seem to muster up...especially when I usually felt like I had no idea what I was doing... but I tried to pretend like I had it figured out.


And today...what a journey has led me to today. Today- I'm often not really sure what I'm supposed to do, so I try to stay positive and be willing to learn as I go.  I've succumbed to the fact that I will never ever be the best at any single thing- except at being me. I am absolutely the best at being me. I don't really know what that even means anymore- the best. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to wear- but I know it's supposed to be comfortable and I don't care if I get it dirty because then I can always blame it on the kids...and sometimes if I'm feeling low it's best to shower and wear makeup and look cute- for me. I say what feels right and try not to hurt others with my words. I feel like I have finally found my people.

I guess that's the journey we go through as we get all growned up. Hopefully we just become the me we were meant to be.

Tonight we went to the mall with the water thingies outside...and every time I call it that Michael says- Don't you mean the only mall in Fresno? Yes Friends, there is only one mall in Fresno. Isn't that funny?

But this week has kicked Grey in the ass... and he fell asleep on his favorite place in the World- Dad's shoulder.



Yesterday I realized I haven't gotten my eye brows done in years. And that's what I picked for my dot for today...



I don't know why- but Doodle loved it in there. He didn't want to leave.




Grey finally woke up so we took him back to the water area...but he didn't want it... Hmmmm....He so desperately wanted something else-and he wanted to tell us what he wanted- but you know- the whole not being able to talk part got in the way... So we just let him guide us as we discovered where to go...

Greyson- which way should we go? And he would point us along...

Disssss.... waaaaayyyy....

Ah ha... And finally we found what we were looking for...

Forever 21... Isn't that hilarious?



He loves to go up and down the escalators...



And so we did...again and again and again...



Sometime I'm going to take him to the mall alone and on purpose just so we can go up and down them forever... As soon as he gets off the escalator he runs back around to do it all over again.




I love Grey because he likes what he likes...not because he is supposed to-- or because his friend has one... It took me thirty something years to get that way...





My Friend, meet unbridled joy...




Even old-fashioned stairs will do...which is great because then he's extra tired for bed.



Have an extra special wonderful Memorial Day weekend...
We say a special prayer for the men and women who have died while serving in the Armed Forces...

Much Love,

Chrissy

PS--- 1,003!!!!

control

Today the World was spinning out of control.


And it finally stopped and we are all exhausted. Greyson has been waking up numerous times at night from being stuffed up and sick... Greyson has been struggling this week... And mentally it's so hard for me to not only watch him- but to make him do ABA and make him go to speech and make him go to his Typical preschool- when he's still just not back to his fully healthy self.

Stuffy nose and head and fever blisters and tired. He is expected to work so hard- and he does. And it's times like these I just want to say screw Autism for the week...we are just going to have naked time at the pool all day every day until he feels better.


But every day counts...

It's funny...the more I feel out of control in Life- the more I work to control the other things...



And if I pull out a label maker? Forget it.









That's why I feel sorry for people who have absolutely every single duck lined up in a row...everything perfect all the time... I know it means they are masking some kind of sadness and feelings of inadequacy.




Grey feel right asleep after preschool today- and I had to wake him up to go to Speech Therapy.... Speech is so important because it's the bridge from Spectrumville to me.

And the more he communicates the happier he is. His happy is my welcomed responsibility. Greyson's communication regressed to almost nothing when he attended school this past year... From consistent 3 word requesting sentences- I want drink. I want outside. I want car... Gone...

And he is working so hard to get his language back. Today he even had a few two word sentences...



More....train...



Greyson- you teach me what it truly means to work hard.


Last night I started writing while the kids were still up... Lesson learned... as I sat right in front of them but not paying any attention- Parker:

Took off his diaper
Peed on the floor
Dumped out a mug of coffee hiding from morning- right after he drank some





And dumped out at least three million nonpareil colored candy sprinkles on the ground that I know I will be finding for years...

Happy sleep...or wake... Depending on when you read....


Love,
Chrissy