The Big Reveal

Yesterday delivered all kinds of crazy at our house.

The day started out with The Big Post…then we had 2University…

Me & G singing Slippery Fish

After 2U we had a “Transition Meeting” with Greyson’s school teacher and The Central Valley Regional Center where we discussed what will happen to Bitty G when he turns 3 and is no longer eligible for Early Intervention Services.

As I’ve mentioned before, we are not sad…our day to day is not sad…But sometimes we get sad….or scared…or overwhelmed…and those meetings can certainly cause a rise of those types of feelings in my chest.

We review charts and checklists, discuss his goals and current attainment….we answer lots of questions about his development- can he balance on one foot, how many words does he use spontaneously, does he associate animal noises with pictures, can he draw a horizontal line, can he point to himself in a picture…and so on…and I start to get scared because I think- that is what he should be doing based on his age… and then I forget to pay attention, I forget to ask important questions because although my body is sitting there with them…my mind is someone far far away. Yesterday I was able to stop myself while I was doing it though…thinking about the future…worrying about a stupid checklist...That's certainly not how I measure Greyson & who he is...as I’ve written before- all we ever need to deal with is this moment right here and I realized that at this moment- I am fine and G is fine. We will have all the tools we need to deal with the future when we need them and not a minute before. And luckily I was able to step back and ask the right questions and focus on the right things…

I was a Communication Major in college, which – for me- was synonymous with “I suck at Math”. That being said, I am perfectly capable of reporting numbers.

I asked….and you delivered…each and every single one of you that came by this blog for a visit…You sweet thing you--reading these words on your computer…And you- sitting in your car reading on your phone…..You totally get it. Mommas and even Poppas sharing and re-sharing the link to LifewithGreyson.

You are all truly changing The World as we speak...

I have never felt so much fire, so much passion, so much love from a computer in my life. You exceeded our highest expectations. 24 hours after I posted “The Big Post” I am happy to report that we have had 1,100 hits.

I know we just started hanging out and all...but I must say...I think I love you.

I can’t string together the right words to let you know how truly grateful and blessed we are. We are so glad to have you here.

Much Love,

Greyson

Chrissy Michael and Parker Kelly

The Really Big Post

Woman are awesome. We can sit around a table and drink coffee (or wine) talk for hours and pretty much solve all of the problems in the Universe. I love that so many of you amazing women stop by and read these words. I’m still shocked at the overwhelming response we have had to LifewithGreyson. There is a “stats” section I can view and I look at it in absolute awe. We’ve had thousands and thousands of visitors in the past week….people from Russia, Germany, the UK, Canada, Australia, Hong Kong, Mexico and Malaysia. Kind of blows this mom and her computer away. I am so grateful for you- reading this right now and happy that you are here at the beginning of something amazing and bigger than any one of us. I’m so grateful to every one of you that shared LWG on your Facebook page and with your family and friends. I am truly indebted to you.

I’ve also heard from many that you don’t have a Spectrum Kid to relate. We all love our kids like mad and we want the best the world has to offer them. There is nothing as strong as the love of a Momma or a Poppa. The unfortunate truth is- you don’t have to have a Spectrum kid to feel pain from life's hardships and parenting. No matter how hard we wish --there is no magic wand we can wave to make our kids lives easy and perfect. We are all united by that love, and when called to action, the love and sometimes the pain kicks in.

But I need more. I need your help Moms, and I can’t do it alone. I need more people to know about this joint. I can’t get this message out alone…If you are here with me, reading these words … Please share this blog with your friends. Put a link as your status update on Facebook, email a link to your mom or your friends. I need this for 2 reasons…

Not because I want to be famous, not because I want to be rich...

But because I need you to help me change the world. I need to create an awareness for Autism Spectrum Disorders and for all kinds of awesome kids that are “different”... so that my son can have the best life possible –a life filled with knowledge and acceptance.

My second reason is because there are Spectrum Moms out there and Spectrum Moms of the future that need to find these words. They need somewhere good and safe to go when they find out—and I will be here. I want them know that they are not alone... They need to know that life after sadness can be awesome…if you make it awesome…and it can suck- if you suck. (Smiley face.)

Please help me make the next 24 hours be the biggest LWG has had yet.

________________________________________________________

Our Journey...

When I first realized Greyson was on the Spectrum, I moved through the stages of grief until I reached the last one…Acceptance….And after that, I came up with one single goal. My primary goal is to knock Greyson off the damned spectrum. If it can be done, I will do it. I will do whatever I can, whatever it takes to help him...and to help eradicate his autistic behaviors…

Like lining up cars...(don't worry if your toddler does this but has no other "red flags". It can also be considered a perfectly normal method of play.)

Mom likes to play Crash the Cars!

Or we model the appropriate way to play with our cars...

I feel like I’m playing the card game, Go Fish with Autism…

OK Autism- I will allow you to change the way he learns…he does not learn through imitating me- he learns through repetition. Lots and lots and lots of it. Since I can not change that in his brain, I will change the way we teach him….I will allow that.

Grey doing his "Expressive shapes" Program.

However Autism, I will NOT allow you to make him play alone…I will facilitate interaction with others everywhere we go. He tells the grocery bagger hi because I make him. We walk up to new friends at the park or the store or the zoo and we say hello, we give high fives. We bring things to the park that will attract other children-- like bubbles and chalk and balls and cars --and my son will interact with others. One day it will come naturally for him. Sorry, Autism- GO FISH.

Bringing a Bubble Machine to the park is a guaranteed good time. Kids start falling out of the sky and multiplying...flying at you from every direction. It's like a huge unchoreographed flash mob. They all start to do this crazy- popping- contortion- bubble dance that makes you laugh out loud.

These gals take bubbles seriously.

OK Autism, you have caused him to poorly metabolize proteins like gluten, casein (milk protein) and soy. I will allow you to change our diet accordingly. I will find new favorite foods for him free of these proteins.

Where there is food...there is Belle the dog.

Autism, You have caused a language delay in my child. I will not concede on this one! We will go to speech therapy twice a week to get rid of you. We will work on speech at every waking moment at every speaking opportunity. We work through tantrums (autism’s way of speaking) and teach him that language is the preferred, easiest way to get what you want. He does not like language but he does like stuff and he is starting to realize that language gets you stuff! GO FISH AUTISM!

So, after this card game with Autism, I have decided if I can’t accomplish my first goal- I mean really and truly can’t knock him off, I will join him. He’s only two and I certainly won’t have him hanging from some damn spectrum all by himself. So there we will sit, Me, Michael, Parker, even the dogs on the spectrum with Greyson.

How will I do this, you ask? Reading…talking…thinking differently. At first I read out of a sickening fear…what will happen to my boy…his future…

Then I read out of passion and a sincere and beautiful desire to get inside my son’s head, to understand how he feels, to understand why he does the things he does. (this guy is cool. He’s a high functioning 24 year old individual with autism that explains many Autistic tendancies in a way a Neurotypical person like myself can understand.)

So that's where we stand now. I just wanted to share in case it can help someone else.

Now, I’ve got to run- I’ve got a University to run this morning. 2U part 2 is today!

Sundays are Bittersweet

It was a beautiful day in the Central Valley. The day started out with a little magic for me-- which I define as a run with some babies through Woodward Park. Mommas need magic too.

Fresno is the best kept secret in California.

Sundays I feel well rested...happy...but so not ready for the weekend to end.

Today we all had fun.

The Bubble Face.

Bitty G running his heart out...that plus the park plus bubbles is his Sunday Trifecta.

Parker had fun too, exploring in the grass.

Look at that hair glow.

I'll be back tomorrow with a really big really important post!

Hope you had a great weekend!

OPM

I think about it alot…how important Mom-ing is to me. I try to take inventory here and there and define and redefine the answer to What makes a good Mom in my soul. We owe it to ourselves and to our kids to do that every so often. Since it's my full time job, I need a business plan for it...A Mission Statement.

Today I will stretch to be On Purpose. Since my job is a stay at home Momma, I will be an On purpose Mom today...It's a philosophy I am trying to adopt. I am not just going to try to make it through today, I'm going to savor it.

In order to be an OPM, I will focus on the Now when I’m with them. I will give them my full attention. When I am with them- I will be with them. I will put my phone away when we are at the park…I will go down the slide with Grey because it makes him happy. We will do bubbles and sidewalk chalk because that’s how G defines magic. I will stay off the computer and phone and be with them. I will not check and recheck how many people have stopped by the blog (but in case you're wondering- Monday we had almost 600 people here. That's an all time daily high!)

Yesterday we took a bath during the day...for no other reason except they love the bath....and oftentimes night baths are more about getting clean in a hurry and less about playing...

I love his little puppet mouth.

Grey, I am totally showing this to your future girlfriends, if I ever let you have one.

I'll try to say get instead of have more…I get to give Greyson a bath….…I get to help run ABA programs. They are joyful things that could easily be turned into chore mentality.

I will take pictures to be On Purpose....I find when I take pictures I do more things that are fun....because who wants to see pictures of me cleaning the toilet while the kids watch Yo Gabba Gabba? Anyone?

Look how good his Eye Contact is here. We work on it every day, all day using ABA methods. Most Spectrum kids don't like to make eye contact. Early Intervention is awesome because it makes it easier to reverse some Spectrumy Behaviors like lack of eye gaze.

I will act as if. 

Some days I feel overwhelmed. Some days I feel not good enough. Some days I compare myself to others and feel as though I fall short. In these instances, I will act as if …

I will act as if I am not overwhelmed….I will act as if I do feel good enough….I will act as if I don’t fall short… And I find, when I act as if…..I actually start to believe.

Whatever you find yourself doing today friend...I hope it feels on purpose.

Happy Friday!

I think I like you. Do you wanna be friends? You can find me on Facebook...

Celebrate

Today I celebrate you, 6 week old pedicure... In my previous life I would have found loving you to be a challenge, and in fact, would have been embarrassed by you. But today? I am proud of you for your unique strength and character.

Today I celebrate you, Random Sock. I find you and your friends everywhere...

Hiding under the highchair, on the stairs, in the car, in my purse. I have a soft spot in my heart for independent souls like you. And one-socked pictures like this? They are my favorite...

Today I celebrate you, Clutter Counter. You are the place where mail and coupons go to die. You allow me to place piles on top of piles.

You take the burden by allowing the big counter, and therefore my mind, to be clutter free.

Today I celebrate you, My Second Child...

Many people told me I would let you cry more...that I would take less pictures of you...

Document your milestones less....

To that I say, not for a second...not on my clock...

You make me want to collect babies like raindrops. You make me feel like I have a chance to do it all over again...and better this time... with less fear that I am screwing you up for life.

Today I celebrate you, Outside ABA session.

To completely oversimplify- ABA- Applied Behavior Analysis- is Behavior therapy that helps Spectrum kids learn. Often times they have equal intelligence as "Typical" (Neurotypical) kids- they just have to be taught in a different way. And since I am writing Grey's storybook, I asked the folks in charge if we could do some ABA sessions outside... because learning is more fun at the park...

Today I celebrate you, friends....that read these words, that leave comments and well wishes, and even stop by with babies and coffee to say hello...

Today I celebrate you, Mom and Dad.

Your 45 years of marriage is the cream cheese icing on my red velvet life. You showed me that love is easy, even when it's really hard....

What are you celebrating today? I'd love to hear from you here or on Facebook.

Bringing the Mountain to Mohammed

I didn't move an inch...

I stood in the exact same spot and took 2 pictures...

I just had different focal points selected on my camera for each one...The fence is still directly in front of me here.

It's a great illustration of our view on life.

I don't choose to see the fence as a barrier-- instead I look to see what is on the inside...like the pool and the tree and the World. Some people get caught up on that fence that is blocking their view and never look any further. And some people don't even realize it's a choice.

I hope YOU realize friend, because it can change your life.

I think of Grey's Spectrumness as the fence...And Greyson as what's on the inside. That doesn't mean the fence doesn't exist...it doesn't mean I ignore it or hope it magically goes away...it just means I don't put the energy into worrying, being sad and obsessing over it. I focus on Grey...what we can do... what is possible.

Spectrum disorders are mostly communicative and social in nature. Typical kids (the opposite of Spectrum Kids) learn to talk and play through a natural evolution. Greyson needs to be taught both. How lucky am I? I get to help teach my kid to play and talk! I realized we weren't getting social interaction at Early Intervention Preschool so we decided to make a change and fast, because I'm not the patient type. Instead? We have preschool at our house once a week.

Welcome to Two University- 2U. Where the school colors are Red and Navy....

And Green and Orange and Yellow...Because at 2U, we don't discriminate.

Parker hopes to attend his brother's Alma mater some day.

Student Population-4. Three Typical kids and Greyson. Witnessing Typical kids talk and play is the best way for Greyson to learn!

All the kids are the same age.....

Playing with shaving cream is a great sensory activity for kiddos.

2U is one of the most prestigious and state of the art Universities in all of California.

Teacher Ali has mad circle time skills.

Watching Grey play makes me so happy.

And of course all the food in the Student Union is Gluten, Casein and Soy Free.

After school Greyson had a couple more hours of ABA, a quick play in the rain and a nap. Late in the afternoon we headed to see Teacher Amy for speech. (Cue Angles singing) As I've mentioned before, Teacher Amy is a superhero. She teaches kids to talk and she is darn good at it.

He watches her mouth...he likes to learn...he tries words out.

I can't say enough about what an integral role she is playing in Grey's development and how grateful we are for all she does. She works miracles by turning work into play -while magically finessing the creation of language-and on top of that, she makes it look easy.

We had an amazing and busy day today. But that's why the days are so rewarding...that's why we don't focus on the sad...we don't focus on the fence....we focus on what is and what is possible....

Because we are quickly learning, that when it comes to Greyson, anything is possible.

No, Seriously WOW.

I've been blown away by the response we have had to this blog... Thousands and thousands of hits in just a few days. So many friends stopping by. People everywhere...feeling connected by these words. It's such a beautiful thing. And then the outpouring of love. It finds all those little holes we have inside and patches them up. Thank you. Truly and humbly...thank you. I can't tell you the joy Michael and I have felt....reading comments to each other in the kitchen... smiling... laughing... crying....

One thing I heard over and over again... "Chrissy, you are such a great Mom."

At first it was so nice to hear. I was truly humbled... Everyone wants to be a great mom. Everyone hopes to be a great mom. But then it kind of scared me...because I don't think any of us feels like we really measure up.

Your own personal best doesn't feel good enough. We strive for perfection, which I am learning can not be attained...so then we automatically feel like a failure. Mommas are so hard on themselves! When I went from a working out of the house mom- to a stay at home mom- I thought- "Now finally- I will have all my time to dedicate to my itty bitties and I won't feel like I am half as*ing everything in my life." Nope, I still feel like I fall short at times.

We don't hear, "You are a great Mom" that often. Kids don't always say it. I certainly never said it to my mom...In fact, I often shared the opposite sentiments with her. "I hate YOU! You never let me do ANYTHING I want!" (Sorry Mom. You are a great Mom and I learned how to Mom from watching YOU.) Our husbands may say it... But they have to...it's in their contract.

So then, I started to get paranoid. Like- clearly I wrote something- somewhere in this blog that was blatant subterfuge. I went back and re-read post, after post, after post- looking for my gross exaggerations of perfect parenting...of gourmet meals...spic and span house and constant sweet perfection...and all I saw was truth....and not just truth...but real, raw, flaw-filled imperfection and honesty. And friends, it was in that reality and that knowledge-- the reality that I am just a girl, loving my babies sumpthin' fierce, making mistakes along the way but doing the best I can, that made me realize...

That is what you connected with. Real and beautiful imperfection...and that is what you called "a Great Mom" and I bet that is exactly the kind of Mom you are too. You are out there, doing the best you can, on any given day. I want you to walk away from our time right here and now and feel empowered by that. Because by your standards and by mine, You are a great Mom too. And don't be afraid to toot your own horn about what you think makes you a great Mom (or Dad!) Focus MORE on that and LESS on your shortcomings! Go ahead! I want to hear it!

I'm a good Mom because I let my son play in the rain...

I'm a good Mom because I like to be silly...

And I found the perfect match in my handsome husband...

Even Jack the Dog got in on the action.

I'm a good Mom.... because I drink....

totally kidding. probably.

And if I may? One last request...Tell your mom friends that you admire that they are a great mom! Give 'em specifics..."I like the way you prepare such great meals for your family."

"You kids are so lucky because you are so spontaneous and fun." "I love how sweet and patient you are with your kids. I really admire that."

Because we really don't hear it enough.

Do me a Favor...

Dear World,

If our name comes up in your conversation....Don't lower your voice to a whisper and say "It's so sad...Did you hear their son might be autistic?" and feel sad for us...and then continue talking about fun and happy things like The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and cute Winter boots.

To be honest...that's probably what I would have done in my previous life, the one that existed before. I would have pictured sadness and struggle, I would have sincerely tsk tsk tsk'ed my lips and shaken my head and then I would have stopped thinking about it because it made me uncomfortable imagining for one second how it would feel if it were my baby and my story.

And now it is my story...and I so need your help friend.

Now that we are here...on this path, I can't truly explain it--but I am ok with it...We are ok with it...more than ok. We are ROCKING this life. It still feels like home inside my soul. I feel the purpose in my life almost every single day and I rarely said that when I did pharmaceutical sales! We have never been shown more love, more support and more strength from others as we have over the past almost year of knowing that something was just....different.

I'm so much less afraid of everything else in the World now... like going for it with my own photography business...like sharing this blog....My world got so jolted after I realized Greyson was on the spectrum that I figured-- "What the heck is so scary about baring your naked soul to the World in a blog?! And so here it is...my soul....naked....with cellulite on its butt....running down the street in broad daylight... for all to see.

Please do not give us advice unless we ask..... or share the things that worked for your cousin's neighbor's friend... Please do not feel sad for us. We are not sad. At times we get sad...but we are not sad. I know it sounds so strange...

Here's where we really need your help. Help me change the World in a tiny little way. Help me pave little roads everywhere for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) because somewhere on some highway I believe that they will all meet up.

Keep talking to your children about the beauty of a World filled with differences...Other kids that are different than them...tell them how BORING Baskin Robbins would be if there was only Vanilla....People are like ice cream flavors- the more kinds, THE BETTER!

If there is an Autistic Kid mainstreaming (educating students with special needs in regular classes during specific time periods based on their skills in the classroom) --Don't call the Autistic kid "The quiet, kwirky one"...Call him "The cool and mysterious one"!

Tell your child to be nice to the Autistic kid....talk about what may make them different....kids are perceptive- they know when someone is different whether they acknowledge it or not.

My son processes things slower...please teach your child about patience and waiting.

Many Spectrum kids often don't know how to initiate or sustain conversations....Help him out...find a mutual love and talk about that!

Tell your kids to ask the kids that are different...

To sit by them at lunch....

To ask if they can see their truck/doll/ball/game...

Invite them to parties and to playdates...

I rarely ask for favors, but I need you to do this for my son, and for itty bitties like my son everywhere. Because I can't change the fact that Greyson is on The Spectrum, but I can change the World.

Big Momma Love,

Chrissy