Focus

I'm starting this post at 9:02pm on Sunday evening. Lately I haven't been going to bed until around midnight, but tonight as soon as I hit "Publish" I expect to be breaking some early to bed records for myself...

Ever since I was a little kid I have hated to go to bed early...afraid that I am going to miss out on all the fun. Now that I am only a kid at heart my late night fun is alone time....reading, writing and editing pictures. It is part of my whole and keeps me who I am. But I still have to force myself to shut down the computer, turn off the light and turn off my mind.

Photography has many important elements...but if I were to break it down into one easy bite, it would be focus.

I usually like to focus on the eyes, unless I am trying to tell a story through my picture.



No matter how great the subject, the lighting, the camera or the photographer,  the picture will lack beauty if it doesn't have focus.


We have so many elements in our lives that we have to keep track of.  Some important and some mundane. Make a dentist appointment, change the oil on the car, get gas, take Greyson to speech, pick up the dog poop, edit pictures, floss, pay bills,  return an email, call Mom and wish her Happy Birthday....and so on...

It's so easy to lose focus on what we consider to be the most important aspects of our lives. It's easy to be bogged down by the daily chores and forgot about the things you really care about. One thing on my list of things I need to make the World go' round? Girl time. I realized this past week that I have not had a designated "Girl's Night Out" since.... Yes, I can't remember- it's been that long....before I got pregnant with Parker for sure.


My only proof of the evening. I didn't take any pictures to protect the guilty. 

I'm just kidding...I didn't bring my camera because I left my daily use camera at a friend's and I wasn't going to bring my professional one. Me + wine + expensive gadgets = Stupid.

The plan was to go out for Happy Hour from 5:30-7:30. Simple...Even home in time to tuck the kiddos in. Perfect. When we first arrived I had my phone out on the table and I checked it every 48 seconds. I wondered how Michael was doing without me. I wondered what Grey was eating for dinner. I was hoping Parker's teeth weren't hurting him too badly. I thought back to the moment I left and remembered the gut wrenching sadness on Grey's face and his tears that almost made me want to say, "Screw it! I'll stay home." Finally I began to unwind... remember....this is fun... I could get used to this... I SHOULD get used to this. Why don't I make this a focus of mine more often? How did I lose focus on this important and fueling interaction?

When you are 38, it is inappropriate to talk about things like getting drunk and being hung over. Great, now I am going to have to add one more thing to my List of things I do that I shouldn't. Now that I am such a rookie, it only takes me a couple of glasses of wine to be tankered. As in, yelling, "WoooooHoooo!!! Spring Break 1992!!!" drunk....and I may have just possibly had 3 glasses.... and the next thing you know it is 9:30pm and I am walking in the front door. I kept telling Michael, "Isn't our family so great? Don't we just have the cutest, greatest kids ever?" and if he wasn't emphatic enough in his response, I would keep at him. "I'm serious... leaving tonight just reminded me of how great my family is...I am so lucky...and I love you guys. Don't we have the cutest kids ever?"


At least I was saying the truth, right?!


Here's Parker, writing his blog, "Life with Mommy and Daddy and Greyson".




And my adorable Greyson eating a --kid you not, casein, soy and gluten-free cupcake (don't worry,  I did not make it- "Gluten Free Please" in Clovis, CA did!).  When Michael brought this home,  It turned into Christmas in April!


Uhhh, yeah...I think he likes it. I  like watching him eat cupcakes more than I like eating cupcakes, which is a lot.


Having children is such an amazing gift that I don't want to take for granted. All the great, fun, exciting and delicious things in life- it's like you get to do them over for the first time when your itty bitties experience them. I never knew that would be part of the deal when I signed up to be a Mom. I LOVE that part of the deal.

And the more time you take to fuel yourself- the more you enjoy being with them.


Parker and Coconut Icecream sticky filthy goodness this weekend. We went straight to pool after this.


Despite the fact that I felt like absolute JUNK on Saturday, I was happy. I smiled every time I thought of a memory made the night before. I had a renewed vigor doing life's little chores... It's funny... Even the Grocery store is fun when you are happy...and even Hawaii isn't fun when you are not happy. It all depends on how you are feeling in your brain...not where you are.




 Of course when asked what is most important to you in life- we would all mostly say God, Family, Spouse and Friends.... but so much of our day to day time is spent taking care of the chore-like aspects of life. Not on our "top 4".

And although I spend time with my friends and their families frequently, it has been MUCH too long since it was no-kid, focused, one on one time. You know- where you could actually pay attention and listen to people when they were talking to you? You could just focus on them? And, you could remember who you were before you had children...and then blend it in to your Magical World of now. That's one of the great parts of being an adult.


This past weekend helped me realize a few things...

Leaving the house is good for me, and it's good for the kids. I need that kind of interaction so I can be the Me I want to be.  Girl's Night is going to be a Monthly MUST in my book.

What do you want to focus on more in your life? Find me on Facebook...let me know...

Have a good day friend.



Is it Monday already? Greyson asks...

Vintage Life with Grey- Superbly Imperfect

Now I refer to it as "In the 5%"... those toughest moments in Mom'ing. Today we are going vintage. I think these words are worth a re-read. Have a wonderful weekend chock full of alone time, butterfly kisses and love.
Chrissy

Mother Nature

If days had a gender, today would have been a girl... It was dark and gray... it rained...


at first they were sweet little dainty drops that then turned into heavy plops of life into my pool.


It cleared off... and then it was brilliant.




The sun shined bright...warmed our face and feet...and then hid.




And clouds and blue skies as far as your eyes could imagine kept dancing a do-si-do with dark skies right before our eyes. 

It kept changing continuously throughout the day. Well done God. Encore. Please? Tomorrow if I am lucky.

Woman are wondrous beasts....once upon a time responsible for gathering nuts and berries...now having adapted beautifully...running corporations....working... growing and raising babies....making dinner and pouring baths --all while still gathering those nuts and berries. Women make the World go round. We are like salt...making everything taste a little better. And due to a wondrous mix of love and life, emotion and hormones...highs and lows....we think we are alone in our mixed up emotional whirlwind of mind. We think that other woman clearly must be more even keel. Status quo...and we look at our extremes as a weakness...as a sign that we are not sane, not enough, not balanced, not right.

I am here to tell you. You are not alone. I am all those things too. I hear from so many of you beautiful woman...and you tell me... so are you. Why did we think we were alone? Why don't we talk about this stuff together more often? This crazy roller coaster ride is so much sweeter and so much better than the slow moving Merry-Go-Round.


Same feeties at the warm and rain spotting dusk.

Have you met people without highs and lows? People who are always kind and nice...happy and calm? I have. Boy do they bore me. They are a Merry Go Round. I'll pick a spinning Tea Cup Friend any day of the year.


I'm teaching him about women...how to understand them. How to treat 'em kind.

Next time you feel like you are loosing footing....and that you are the only one breaking down one day and breaking through the next...insecure one moment and confident the next...crying one second and laughing another...fighting it all and accepting of everything...think of your friend, Chrissy. She is somewhere else...doing that exact same thing....just like women everywhere are. I wish I could get us all in one room so you all could hear- although our details are different...our stories are so much the same. And these stories? They are beautiful.

listen to the words

The weather this evening is perfect...it's 75 degrees and slightly balmier than usual for April. There is a calming breeze that settles my mind. It's been a very good week so far. The weather makes me want to drive around and listen to Van Morrison with the windows down...or sit outside on a patio somewhere with all of you friends drinking a glass of wine...or maybe even a fun colored drink to commemorate this feeling of Summer.

Expressive language is the production of speech and the ability to communicate a message. Receptive language is the comprehension of language- listening and understanding what is being communicated. Man do I love Receptive Language. When we first realized Grey was not able to speak, we also realized he could understand so much more than we first thought... I felt like I couldn't open the door to get into his house, but I sure could climb through a window to get a look inside.  He used to scream his head off when we would carry him upstairs to his room to change his diaper. I didn't really think it would make any kind of difference, but I had a feeling in my gut...or maybe it was a hope...and one day I said to him..."It's not time for night-night. Mommy is just changing your diaper." and suddenly his whole body relaxed. I almost cried from the realization -that feeling of - My boy is in there. Even now, I  wonder, what would he say if he could? When I rock him to bed at night I tell him, "I know you are in there, Greyson. Mommy understands you. Mommy won't give up on you."And then I grab his hand and I put it on my heart and I say, "Mommy- Love."Even when it really isn't a belief- and it is just a hope...I say it out loud.

Greyson goes into the pantry eleventy-hundred times a night.... sometimes he wants a cookie or a snack...sometimes he wants to look at stuff (ie- junk we hide when company is coming over.) I get tired of constantly taking things away from him and carrying him out. Tonight- I suddenly realized- I know how to get him out of the pantry... I said, "Greyson- did you go poo-poo?" He hates getting his poopy diaper changed and those words did the trick! Dude ran like he was on fire! (I've got another back up phrase that I know will work- "Greyson, are you ready to go night-night?")

Tonight as I started on my run, I realized that despite the fact that my mouth is a caffeine receptacle,  I was dead tired. I have been up to midnight editing pictures the past two nights...Parker wakes up at 6:30am and that isn't enough zzzzzz's for this Momma. That, plus the fact that Michael is in LA and it's a great recipe for tired (If I ever give you any kind of recipe involving food- please do not make it. Please, run).  I am tired, but not feeling that, Man,  I want to cry tired. It's more like that tired and happy from a hards day of work tired. I said to my brain, "I'm not going to write tonight. Right now it feels like a chore and I don't want it to be something I have to cross off a list" And then I felt bad- because I have this writing routine, Monday through Friday, and I didn't want to break it...and I didn't want to disappoint anyone needing words...and that's when I realized something pretty big...Sometimes Life just is...Sometimes we can not change certain facts given to us and our only option is to accept what is...Life can be hard sometimes....some things really may not have a bright side like Cancer or Death or Sadness...sometimes Life puts handcuffs on you and you still must go on.. But sometimes it isn't LIFE holding me back...sometimes it is actually me. And I realize that when I apply those kinds of rigid patterns of thinking, I am handcuffing myself. I don't want to do that anymore...and the first step to stopping something you don't like- is simply...to be aware... Let Life's unchangeables put limits on you if it must be- but don't you be the biggest limiting factor. Don't add to your pile. Cut yourself some slack when it makes sense...Break your rules... Listen to what you need on the inside....There's a pretty good chance you're already telling you. Don't tip toe around those thoughts.

So, of course I had to write to tell you about it friend because suddenly, I wanted to write! But, I am happy to say, from here on out, I am giving myself permission to write one day a week, or six days a week... If you don't see a post for a day or two it's because I am listening to what I have to say.

Greyson can not sit still for an evening bedtime story. About a month ago I started to use bedtime as a way to teach him to sit still and listen to the words of a story, but it was a struggle, so I leave those kinds of things to daytime... Teacher Amy sometimes reads to him, sometimes his ABA teachers read him books, and I read to him during the day too. But, I want night to be sweet and calming and special so we don't do it at night. Greyson always wants Michael to rock with him and snuggle before bed, but when Michael is out of town, I am the big winner. Tonight, I asked Greyson the usual question, "Do you want Dad to take you to bed, or Mom?" (So exicted because for once he is going to say, "Mom" since Dad is CLEARLY not here!!! Oh yeah, I'm cabbage-patching happy) And he says, "Dad"!!! The stinker!! But then he said, "Mom" and then he said, "I want two"....and I think it meant he wanted both of us. Oh Grey, you always surprise me, little Buddy.
And since Grey doesn't like books and I still wanted to do something enjoyable for our special time before bed... I turned off the lights in his room and we did this...

I kept it under my shirt so I could totally surprise him! I could see his ear to ear grin glowing in the faint green light. I love it when I can figure out how to "get" him. I can still speak his language.

I turned the overhead light on low for just a quick second here to take his picture. He immediately turned it off so he could see the glow stick.



He "wrote" on the ground with it, he held it up in the air and he was enamored. You should have seen the look in his eyes when I took it and swirled it in circles around his head. If I would stop for a second he would tell me, "Ret, set, dough!" (Ready, Set, Go!) So I would do more!

So, that's all the words I have for tonight.  I'm going to go and eat the Yogurt Land Frozen Yogurt waiting for me in the freezer. (Thanks Michael!)

Oh, wait! I want to leave you with a funny picture. Doesn't Jack the dog look scary here? Sometimes at night I look up to see this and it startles me... I feel like I am watching a kind of funny old scary movie about a dog that comes back from the dead. He doesn't move...he doesn't bark. he just stands there still.



OK, I think that's all I have to tell you for real this time... Except that I can't sleep with socks on. I would rather sleep in a turtleneck than sleep with socks on. Makes my feet feel all claustrophobic-y. 
I wanted to share that with you.

Also, I eat dessert every single night. I don't think I could sleep without it. We all deserve some form of nightly dessert...maybe yours is a glass of wine. Maybe yours is a book.

Now I am certain that is it. Thanks for stopping by friend.

Home away from Home

Tonight's post will be short-ish...and sweet? Well, that's up to you to decide. Some days I go to hit "publish" on a blog post (this whole deal is called a "blog"- each specific entry is called a "post" in case you were wondering) and I think to myself...Wow, Chrissy...tonight you were really...off. The words may not always flow...The fingers don't always burst like fire crackers striking the keys...The adjectives don't always sit in the front row and raise their hand and yell out, "Pick me! Pick me!" But it never fails, those times I'm feeling sorry for my less than stellar performance, one of you will write me...you will tell me how much you needed to hear what I wrote. You will find a message in the rough and you will connect...even though we may live Worlds away. (By the way- after the US the top three countries reading this blog are Russia, Germany and the UK. I would love to hear from you! Email me at kellyc43@gmail.com). You didn't care about flow and descriptive words...you saw through to my heart...and even when the words don't flow...the heart is always, always there.

Mondays bring all sorts of adventures when you are living in Life with Greyson + Parker. Every Monday morning we have preschool at our house- We call it 2U because all the kids are 2 years old. The wonderful teacher is courtesy of The State's Early Intervention Program. They bring the best art projects and passion for all the itty bitties that come to 2U. We now have about 6  Typical kids and their Mommas coming...and that plus Greyson and Parker and other siblings turns my house into something that makes me so happy and so proud to be a Momma. I still have to pinch myself when I realize...Wow...I'm old enough to have kids. When did that happen? I do this every Monday because I want Greyson to learn how to interact with other kids in a way that is comfortable for him- but also out of his comfort zone. I will do everything I can to help him....and I mean that statement in more than just words. I've have found the best way to challenge Autism is through a mix of conventional, tried and true menthods like Speech Therapy and Behavior Therapy- and some out of the box thinking-things that we do daily- like 2U. At 2U have free play, art, circle time, snack, we sing, we hear stories... The kids learn a lot, and so do the Mommas. When I first stepped into the World of Autism, I was so scared. All I had really heard about was the scary stuff. How hard it is on the family, on your marriage, on the siblings...how hard you have to advocate...how tough it is...how expensive it is...how horrible IEPs are...assessments...
Like I said before...perhaps some of that stuff is true...perhaps all of it is true for some people... I think that's the important part to take notice of...whether you are dealing with a Spectrum Kid or not...Everyone handles things differently in life...everyone focuses on different things... I don't bleed rainbows- my life isn't always hunky dory...sometimes it's harder than I think I can manage for a moment...but often times- it actually is hunky dory...and so I focus on that. I never would have even thought of doing something like preschool at my house if I didn't have a Spectrum Kid. He enriches our life. He has shown me a new way to think. It has made me go out of my comfort zone too, and that makes me better. I am here on Earth to learn...Learning new things makes me feel alive.


Old comforts make me feel alive too. Something about a high school track feels like home to me. I went to one by my house after doing a photo shoot this evening. Lately the 6pm sun has been simply divine.



It's funny because there are things in my life I must change up every so often to avoid being bored... but sometimes I crave repitition.. same old thing, over and over again...


That's the great thing about the track...I get to do the same lap, over and over again...my mind can get lost in the movement because I don't have to focus on direction...and then my mind can think and process and then my mind can just feel...





Here I am laughing because I realized I just asked a very intoxicated grounds keeper, "Will you take my picture?" and then I bent down and put my butt in his face...awkward...seriously...what was I thinking?!

Before I moved to Los Angeles I lived in St. Louis...home of the Arch and Imos Pizza and awesome people. (I went to St. Joseph's Academy (Freshman-Junior year) and Webster Groves Highschool my Senior year. That's the question you ask people no matter your age in St. Louis... "Where did you go to highschool?") I remember walking with my friends Shayne and Amy at the local highschool track, night after many a' night... Doing our laps around the track, we would talk and solve all of the World's problems. That was one of my favorite times of my life. I love the track...Sometimes it's nice to not actually be going somewhere specific...sometimes it's nice to just go...

I hope you have a place like that...a home away from home. And if you do, I hope you go there...and if you don't have one...I hope you find one...

Time to go edit some pictures...Thank you for stopping by.

Hugs,
Chrissy

Slow Down

Today I have a gift for you, friend. We all need a little extra inspiration on Mondays.

Life goes so fast...but today... we don't have to.


Today I give you permission to slow down...
Notice the details.



I love having baby on hip and feeling his arm curl around mine like this. He does it as soon as I pick him up.


Taste the coffee...Feel the shower droplets...listen to the words...maybe even sing along...enjoy the drive. Remember how awesome and exciting it was to drive when you first turned 16?....look for that feeling.
Today, enjoy the process...focus on the getting there...not the being there.

Today- No rushing. No worrying. No stressing. Call and tell them you are going to be 5 minutes late and take your time.

Treat yourself...stop for coffee... buy yourself something good... Don't even worry about it- I said it's OK.

No rushing, no panicking, no smack talking yourself today. "Why did I do that?" "Why didn't I leave earlier?" "Why did I wear these dumb pants?" Tell your brain to get in on this slow down action. Brain- I don't need you to talk to me at every waking moment today. You can take a rest. Let's both enjoy the silence. No Jedi mind tricks today. Brain--I said Shhhhhhhh.

Slow down and stop competing....with yourself... If we aren't comparing ourselves to others, we are often comparing ourselves to ourselves..."Yesterday I ran 4 miles and today I can barely make it through 2." "I was much better last time, last year, last try..." I've said it before and I will say it again and again and again. Do your best today. Our best is different every day. It's OK to ebb and flow...to yin and yang...That doesn't mean don't try your best...it just means accept what you are offering. Sometimes my best is so darned good and happy and covetable...and sometimes it is...tired...lacking soul...without umpffff. That's OK. That is our minds way of plugging in... refueling....storing up for one of those awesome -everything I touch turns to gold type days.


Today, don't cry over spilled chips...


Instead, enjoy them...



Enjoy the ride today.



Sometimes we will be driving and Greyson sees something out the window and he just wants to jump out of his carseat he gets so excited. It makes me laugh out loud. I'm dieing to know...what's going on in there?


This one doesn't like the carseat nearly as much...



I kid you not, my Greyson balloon came down....and somehow found another balloon friend... and they keep winding up in the same room together. Small miracle number 203. 

Saturday night Greyson and I went for a late night walk to look for the moon. (He's still not potty trained. It was crazy hot here over the weekend and it was too hot for pants...hence- Plex underwear!!)



We splashed in puddles...we layed down in the middle of the street and we looked at the stars...


We looked for lights.

While we were on our neighbors front walk- they opened the door and came out and were just looking at me- like...'Yes?"....I said to them, "Hi...we are looking for the moon." And suddenly realized how ridiculous I sounded....and there was silence...And then they said, "So, did you need something?" And then I realized what had happened....All of the doorbells on our street light up light this...

Greyson can't not ring them. 


Yep, turns out he rang the door bell and then ran right back to me and I didn't even notice. And when we all realized what had happened, we all started laughing. My boy is a prankster and he doesn't even know it.


I know it's a Monday and all...but have a great day.

Today...be the exception...not the rule. Slow down.

Everything including the kitchen sink

I figured we would grow old together...I thought we would last forever. I've heard of it happening to other people, but I never thought it would be me.

So many memories... I think about our time together and I wonder....what will my future look like now?

At Greyson's school open house tonight I bent down to get a picture of 4 adorable and wiggly boys who were being perfect and not wiggly and riiiiiipppppp. Apparently Parker's First Birthday Party on Saturday night -complete with 2 burgers, eleventy-hundred fries, 2 sprinkles cupcakes and Parker's Punch went straight to my butt.

(Man- now I know I'm tired. I just yelled down to Michael, "What year is it?" and he said- "Why do you keep asking me that?" This is bad for three reasons...1. This is the 1st time I remember asking him that (not good). 2. People should know the year. 3. I asked because I realized I wrote it incorrectly on the picture above. The pants just died tonight. The year is 2012. Remind me if I forget again.)

As you can see, they didn't get just a cute little tear. They full on rippppppeeeeeddddd. I stayed frozen on the ground, took a few pictures (because I'm not going to let a little thing like a naked butt stop me from getting a great picture) and then stood up (with my backside to the wall) and announced it to the two Momma's next to me. I'm lucky they were my type of people. They had my back(side!!) and were about to help me come up with a get-away plan when I realized my shirt was long enough to pull over my exposed goods.

Man, Did I love these pants. They played an integral role in last Summer's Mom uniform...the perfect blend of linen and cotton. A light stoney-tan color....loose in all the right places...casual yet put together... They were my transition-after-Parker's birth pants. I will miss them so.

Here they were before...

Goodbye friend...I'm sorry you didn't rip just on the seam so I could bring you back to life.

While we are having this heart to heart, I must admit that I lied to you about something...

I said this...but I lied...

I would need this too on the island...and probably some chips too. Corn Salsa may sound strange to you- it did to me- until I tried it. It is amazing. (Thank you Wendy for making the introduction!!) I make sure it comes up in conversation at least once a day. I would put it on my morning cereal if I had cereal in the morning. If you live anywhere near a Trader's Joes- go there NOW.

Things like Open-houses and Christmas Plays always make me feel like a card carrying parent. I totally dig them.

Clearly I will be able to retire early with these abstract painting skills

Grey's future is SO BRIGHT!

Today on the way home from picking Greyson up from preschool, we got rear-ended exiting the freeway. I almost had a heart attack. Both of my sweet bitties are perfectly fine and I am so grateful! I didn't think "Oh, I am so unlucky I got in a car accident." I thought, "I am so LUCKY that I got into a small fender bender and clearly Angels wrapped my boys & my car in Bubble tape and we are safe."

It truly made me realize that on the really bad days, the ones where my brain hurts and I am in a funk- nothing really that bad usually happens....and today- a day when things were non-stop and a little stressful where there were rears exposed and rears-ended- I feel happy and grateful. Life is so much about our attitude about what happens...and not what actually happens. I need to write that on the inside of my hand like a gradeschooler...and remind myself daily.

And like the title promised...

THANK YOU 10!!! New Members who signed up today. Holy Cow! Is that all I needed to do- tell you how to sign up?! Well that makes sense! I should have done that a long time ago. (In case you're new here-to sign up- go to a computer (not your mobile) click on the blue box on the right side that says, "Join this Site" and it's easy from there. Now I have 149! I love it!!! Help me make it to 150 today!!! Pretty please. 150 is such a pretty number. Stats show me that anywhere from 300-400 people are reading this blog daily. I wonder about you- reader friends that haven't said hello yet....your story....our connection. I really do!

Have a great weekend!!!

compare

If I never ever compared Greyson to another child, the fact that he is Autistic probably would affect me much much less. I might even assume that our way was status quo. I do silly things like compare him to typically developing kids even though I know it isn't good to do. If you tell me I just need to stop comparing him- I will tell you- It's not me- it's my brain!...and I haven't totally learned how to control it yet.

I am human. I am flawed. I do dumb things sometimes- like compare. You see the pretty pictures in my life because the pretty moments inspire me to photograph them. There are plenty of ugly, boring and dirty moments you do not see.

One of my moments of high Autism anxiety occured a few weeks ago. I was talking to one of Greyson's ABA teachers and she was telling me about the Autistic preschool that Greyson may go to.... she said that one of the great things about the program is the fact that they even have the bus come right to your front door to pick your child up. My heart felt like it stopped. It was like she had just told me that I didn't even have a choice in the matter and some big fat sweaty guy was going to come to my front door at any second and rip Greyson from my arms.

I google'd fat sweaty bus driver- and he came up and it made me laugh so I had to use it!

I almost went and locked the front door right then. I said, "Oh- He will NOT ride a bus. I will bring him to school every day." (Like a mother bird squaking loudly when someone gets near her nest...I'm pretty sure my voice was cracking.) The teacher said, "Actually, many of the kids love riding the bus." and I smiled and said, "I totally believe you. It might very well be Greyson's idea of heaven...I might be doing him a grave disservice by driving him... But he will STILL not be riding a bus! I just can't put him on a bus. He's just a baby!" (and by the way- if you CAN-and DO put your kid on a bus--- I DO NOT JUDGE YOU!!! We all do what works for us friend!)

And then abruptly, I had a terrible feeling in my gut...my heart honest to goodness truly did stop...and time actually did slow down...and I could hear myself asking the next question before it even came out of my mouth...

Is it....a little.....yellow....bus? (please say no, please say no, please say no.)

And she said...

"Yes"....

And my breath got sucked out of me...I was so sad....because whether I drive him or not, my son is eligable to ride on a little yellow bus...and I never thought I would have a life where that was a possibility. I think back and try to remember- have I ever laughed at any little yellow bus jokes? With relief- I couldn't remember anything of the sort.... Shew...and then I remembered that just possibly I have said that somewhere some stupid person I've encountered should totally be "riding on a little yellow bus"... Yes, I can't remember any specific instants, but I know I've said something like that before. I am 38 and still learning....good from bad, right from wrong. When to talk...and when to shut up.

Too heavy...moving on...

Little Lightbulb of the day...After eating bananas for....oh...almost 3 years, and talking about them for ---hmmm---at least 2, Bitty G said Banana all on his own today...

I had to model it (say it for him first) but I didn't have to prompt each syllable like I usually do. Ker-Chow!!! Ka-ching! Patience paying off in action. See what I mean- Little Dude teaches me.

Until I wrote this blog, I didn't realize it was unique to show people the real you... being real and being flawed is a big part of that equation. It's all just part of showing up for me. And the fact that you are still cool with the flawed & real me makes my heart sing a little ditty. If you don't already, I want you to give people the opportunity to love the real you too. The real and beautiful honest and raw real you. I know for some people this is not at all easy. It feels like walking around naked at the gym....but I bet if you do it--you will give your friends the freedom to do it too...and your relationships will become that much more authentic.

As women we often compare ourselves to other women (Moms totally rock at this). It is only human nature. We see something someone else does and instead of thinking- "Wow, what a fantastic person! Look at how awesome they are at that!"...Our first instinct is instead to think - "I don't do that. I suck."

I say we work to celebrate the people in our life and celebrate the things that they are awesome at. Take our focus off of what we "don't do" and put our focus on what they "do-do" (tee hee hee..do-do). Man, we could all stand to share some of that feel good elixir. Tell your friends what it is you admire about them for absolutely no reason at all. I guarantee there are things you do that they admire too. Why don't we share those kinds of sentiments more often? At first you may feel a little...weird...do it anyway. Give 'em specifics..."I like the way your house is always clean." or "I like the way you don't sweat it when things are out of place." "I love watching you play with your kids." "I love how you are so dedicated to swimming- and it shows- you look amazing! ". "I love your positive attitude." Call them, text them, write it on their Facebook page...tell them to pay the compliment forward. Trust me- it will make you so happy you did.

Teacher Amy, I love your patience and dedication to itty bitties and to your job. You make a difference. You inspire. If you have any questions about your child's behavior or language, contact Teacher Amy at The TALK Team. She loves helping. thetalkteam@hotmail.com

And if you are on the receiving end of one of those compliments...work on saying, "Thanks"...Don't belittle your totally awesome self.

I'm so glad I chose to be happy today. The 80 degree weather certainly helped.

I only took it away for a second!

Throwing ice in the pool is on Greyson's list of "Things I totally love to do". The best part about it? He has to talk to get the ice.

I layed out a bunch of plastic bowls for Parker...thinking that he would love all of his own personal water bowls as much as he loves the dog one....

Wrong, instead he preferred to dangle precariously over the pool and try to drink that....

And we finished off the daylight with a itty bitty photo shoot for Bitty P's First. (Thank you Michael for your patience with my frequent impromptu photo shoots and for giving me time for "just one more picture" every day!)

Thanks for reading friend. You rock my World! If you haven't already become a Member of this blog, I'd love it if you would! From a computer, click on the blue bar on the right that says, "Join this site". You get a lifetime's supply of FREE WORDS from me.